Scary Exams...

I'

I'm obsessed with exams

Give your best shot in finals. Best of luck and study well. Please, perform well in time when it matters the most.

So many good wishes can be divulged before exam times. Overwhelming responses in such crucial time always help me to motivate my spirits. But, working pattern here is still unchanged–

Every colleague of mine is busy in revealing syllabus, assimilating materials and scanning their class notes. These activities make me feel that exams are near but what scares me is quite a stupid thought. Central thrust of this particular muzzy thought is I remain in tension because I’m not getting tension for my exams.

Uffff! Stunning thought but I really waste my vital time during exams. All idiotic work gain priority in my routine to escape study. Sleeping time elevate in order to relax my mind, I take more time than usual in doing all my routine works, twitchy tension also accrue in background of my mind which irritates me badly. Somehow, till last night before exam I manage this shaky mindset. As always I try to study but self made impediments constantly derogate me from my academic grants.

Last night is the night which matters the most for me. All anomaly of mind eradicates and I keep on struggling to complete some part of syllabus. Must say, history of my academic life reveals that I’m unable to complete full syllabus of any subject till date so question of revision never arises herein. I stifle a lot in my own way to surpass these bothering examinations. I hate it so much.

Struggle for getting appreciable grade continues. Work efficiency also felicitating as stagnant as before. As a result, approach for survivalism rocks on as always.

Do feel guilty at times but somehow I justify my stand to my heart. After all, life is beyond such examination. I love myself in whatsoever situation that keeps my confidence alive. Really difficult time and writing this post in order to keep myself busy in work which is more happening than exams. Yeah! difficult to digest above craps, so Bye Bye.

Just Shut Up...

Law of contract is very crucial subject in this modern era. Every secure transaction is done by entering into agreements. Each agreement comprise of terms and conditions. Sole reason for fostering such type of business management is to evade future problems.

Don’t be scared, this post will not emanate any technical concept of the subject. My endeavour to reveal about contract law is something else; very comedy in hue, as sometime back I intended to built one friendship on the basis of agreement.

Few months back, somehow I engaged myself in chatting with one girl. I knew that girl before hand but we never ever talked like we do it now. Some cogent purpose compelled us to interchange thoughts. Believe me; originality pays you in long facets of life because I shared my natural witty behaviour with her in that limited conversation. Within that short span of time, our hilarious happening instinct was enough to extrapolate topics for our further talks. It’s incredible to share feelings with a person of similar characteristics, so somehow elongated the horizon of our discussion in polished language replete with lots of original opinions. Casually unconcerned about the status of our relationship, we discussed on so many subjects that it was enough to form a broad opinion about each other. Later on, hysteric emblazonment of our minds made us feel that we became awesome friends.

When we care for someone, detouring fear and unexpected expectations automatically creeps in. I proposed her to enter into an agreement for typical friendship in very cheeky manner. Her response was obvious; she was stunned and scolded me that release pressure from your mind by thinking in such trashy dimension. It made me realize how foolish I can be at times. She respected my innocent expression which refilled my subsequent responses with exuberant brio and enthusiasm. Whole contract law expunged from my mind and she taught me friendship should be unconditional. If you impose conditions in friendship than mere status and caliber of relation becomes blurred.

First time I thought, wow how convincingly she changed the mindset of stubborn fellow who always followed some self-made beliefs of his heart. Yup, every relation should be freed from impediments for adequate outcomes. Very simple thought it was but expressed at suitable timing to become special.

Seriously, I found many of my lost capabilities of my childhood while communicating with her. Again, life started taking new shape in some unrecognized stratums, where only originality and purity prevailed. We recuperated ourselves from formal canons of expression; lost inherent hilarious capabilities of our nature refreshed their realms inside us again.

After divulging the intellectual dimension of each other, it can be emanated that destiny designed us in each other’s way in such a novel manner because we managed to have many similar qualities. For me, basic skills and verve of both of us are so accurate that it can be called as ‘same’.

With so many similarities, we were striding with conviction in unknown way. Lost laughing capabilities was found, when we chatted and our hilarious humour blow us off consistently. I laughed so much that it was sheer rapture at times. Ethereal feelings continued scanning the heart to express any rare thoughts, although we always tried to laminate it with delightful sobriety. Now, differences can be talked upon. Differences were present, not in our basic characteristics or nature but in the way we behaved.

I always expressed my heart out but she restricted her feelings for some reason. I hated and denigrated it but it continued for probable time. Sometimes I felt that whether I’m intervening too much in her life; although her placid responses and her past made me cooperate at times. She behaved so girlish type that I just can’t stop my wild laughs at occasion. As we shared so many similarities, we had similar bewailing ego problems. I was cent percent sure that it will bother us extremely at sometime in our relation.

Wriggling twists of our life made us meet at a time, when a worst tragedy in both of our life was quite fresh. Even we ignore, somewhere in our heart we didn’t had any expectation from our life at that particular moment when we met in internet. Overwhelming response of her really attracted my attention. Although at that time, we were just living for the sake of it, so proximity of pain also found similarity in our pleasant itinerary.

Thereafter, inevitable accrued in my heart. I started admiring her so much that couldn’t think beyond her. Without any fear in mind, I’ll express myself herein now. When we involve our mind in any subject, with time and interest, we initiate delving rare insights to entail our knowledge therein. Same happened to me, I thought so much about her so somehow commenced praising her in my heart. Every reaction of her I started liking. I loved her intoxicating eyes which deserve a separate post in my blog. Those miraculous eyes made me mad, whether its stylish blinking or stupendous shine, every movement of it calmed my senses and claimed appreciation of praise. Totally small in size but it communicates. Impetus of its glow extend when it is complimented with joyful cushy smile. I just love the husk of her voice, although very rarely I got the opportunity to listen it but her voice also just blow me off. Moreover, I think she also observed me consistently but hesitate in expressing it. It suited her personality also, as she is beautiful and sober kinda bomb who explodes rarely to emanate happiness for others. Must say; a very determined and passionate individual to secure the sanctity of every relations in her life. Best thing about her is she lives relation rather than performing it as a part of responsibility. A suave innocent personality who is really comedy in many of her instantaneous instincts. Every baggy movement of her made me cherish her eternal beauty. Honestly, no ulterior motives at all than also could not restrict these endearing gloss to praise my adorable sweetheart friend.

Five crucial months has been surpassed but irony of charm in this relation can't be enfeebled so soon. I’ll miss her salubrious smile and exhilarating responses forever.

Yeah, I miss it because she said today that she hates me so much. Bye forever she said to me. We had another happening fight today. Something allowed tsunami to occur inside my heart. Even with that gloomy pain, I tried to reconcile but she said with lots of conviction that don’t bother me in my life again. When she gets angry, her response gets fatal which shakes my nervous energy. For me, my stand was so obvious and correct that such feeling is ridiculous to feel. My self-esteem is bothering me so much that can’t talk with her now. She takes me for granted at many circumstances which I hate it. Many a times, fault was mine but I never admitted it but she also does the same. No harmony was probed even for a single time in dismembering our faults during fights. Donno whoz to be found guilty herein?

She has different priorities and aspirations in her life. I’m still unsure about my priorities, juzz wanna squeeze somewhere with loads of prosperity. My best wishes are secured for all her future endeavours and I’ll try to keep myself away from her.

Shut up I used to call her.

Now, if you get here – Just shut up.

How much you hurt me? I’m getting lost forever…ohk…My delicate feelings became more brittle and ready to be broken. Come and crash it as you do it always. You fighter, I really miss your huge range of Hindi slangs throughout my life.

For you –

“God knocks our door once with the opportunity, if you show your laziness in doing the needful. Your neighbour will enjoy the benefit. Comedy observation of mine but yeah timing matters in life.”

Who loves you?

Who loves you?

Who?

Why I’m asking this question?

Whom I’m asking?

What is the probable answer to it?

Why I need this answer?

Absolutely unsure about it. Still wanna express whatever I feel because this is my place of expression.

Love – heard that it cannot be purchased; also divulged about its unpredictability in one’s life. May be, never felt it in concrete manner. Still insouciant about the ingredients imbibed therein. Moreover, people say it happens suddenly. Before your senses realize its presence, you become crazy and mad.

Hey, plz...

People don’t think that I’m talking about love for parents or relatives…ohk…it may be bewildering mind set of some people when they find me writing about love. So, plz…

Can’t describe much about love but will convey my feelings herein.

For me, at benign time of my adolescence love was a foolish epithet which creates problems for every teenager. Dats it.

Never tried to comprehend the insights of what love is? But can say I loved to watch good love stories of Bollywood. A pleasure oriented treasure it is. May be I was brought up in such environment where I always restricted myself to think about all these issues.

Believe me, its enough of back ground introduction to intimate what I wanted to explore. Few months back, I commenced communicating with one gal. It was unexpected and sudden. How it happened? I donno but it happened. We indulged ourselves in many casual talks on vividly happening topics. We extrapolated the realm of expression with many vibrant issues. Range of issues surges from humor to sensible communication. Slowly but surely our tuning became so happening that we became very very close friends; such with whom one can share their sensitive emotion and wild wit. We started feeling each others feeling in the same manner as we felt in the particular situation. Understanding elevated, feelings soared and friendship too elongated its ambit with short span of time. Thereafter, we became inevitable part of each others chore.

I never talked with her in person. Reason is quite stupid that I’m a big duffer of all time. Donno, my voice takes so much time to come out when I see her that timing mismatches. I feel so uncomfortable that my heart get stunned and mind sweats; so it’s better to be silent than to screw my own image before my another special friend. Although, by meagre default also I never miss any opportunity to see her.

It never suits my personality that I do such type of silly things. Still my psyche compels me to do so. Huh! Something derogating me somewhere which I myself donno.

Still the stature of friendship is alive in our relation which keeps us going in many untapped stratums. Since past few months, I can’t think beyond her in any facet of my life. First time, any eyes mesmerized me to such an extent that I lost myself. My vision always waits for those special blinking of her eyes which replicate confirmation of one secret thing in our friendship. When I see her all my tension diminishes, heart shivers and my mind seers for one different type of dream.

What type of dream is this? Didn’t give much pressure on my mind to ruminate in that dimension but still desperately and passionately chasing something to happen.

It requires two hands for adequate clapping. So, I’m not the only culprit for sure. This ever-glowing friendship is flawless till now and its itinerary replete with miraculous thud for sure. Blimey! May be its flavour is still unrecognized through our formal expression.

Most vital part is we both tried to limit the horizon of this relation through many unsuccessful attempts. We indulged ourselves in divergent tiffs and detouring tussles each and every day. Fights we call it. Badly we fought which made us bother grievously. It spoiled our exams and many related endeavours also. More we fight, deeper and wider our feelings grew for each other. Every fight was so serious because each time it seems that we lost each other. Issues in our fights are so nebulous that we forget the issue but still fight felicitate unbound and high. Admiring part of this special relation is our fights only which made us miss each other so much.

Must say, only eyes till date which attracted my attention.

Donno where this friendship is taking us but we are enjoying it so much. As we share so many similarities in nature, thinking, life-style and so on.

Shut up – she always used to say me so shutting my brief observation herein. Miss you shut up.

Hope, many more fights to come with more durable reciprocity. We both believe in destiny and its designs. This friendship occurred because she says –

“People having similar circumstances, grievances and conviction automatically come closer to each other.”

Happy Birthday Bhaiya...

Last Photograph!!!

Many things can’t be thought in isolation - as Acting and Amitabh, Rain and Rainbow, Sachin and Cricket, Needle and Thread, Heart and Feelings etc. Really, several pairs are made for each other. They compliment each other to reach certain cherished targets. Elsewhere their beauty and efficacy diminishes; if such are dismembered from its adjoining relation. Believe me; potential of such single member of the pair emanates incomplete results when used in separate or distinct routes. Just because they are made for each other. Therefore, destiny designed many things in pair to explore the vitality and rhythm of their tasks. Likewise, some years before, inevitable happened in our family. It was the beginning of unbelievable journey for us.

Yaa…us…wait to divulge it.

One magnificent couple (my parents) gifted with another marvelous pair (Sudeep and Sandeep) which brought loads of happiness for them. Although, in both of the above mentioned couples, age difference was same between them but proximity of relationship with each other differed. Former magnificent one is husband-wife and latter were brothers. Both couples were happening and entailing the ambit of their happiness by increasing the scope of prosperity and tranquility in their lives.

Still want to reveal the formation of Sudeep and Sandeep (Incredible Brothers of their times). In October 2, 1984 when India was celebrating the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi (Father of Nation); my grand-parents at home expecting their first grand son. Just next day after the birthday of Gandhiji, there born my lovely brother Sudeep. After one year and nine days, to be more concrete at 12th October 1985 (Just one day after the birthday of Amitabh Bachchan) joined by his brother Sandeep. Our itinerary commenced thereon. According to my limited memory, can’t refresh the single incident when this name was taken in isolation. By the way, I used to call him Bhaiya after recognizing the sensibility of my senses.

Oh my God! If I’ll try to serve the various juicy moments of our life than have to publish a book on it. So, try to restrict my elocution to highlighted spheres only. There never came ‘I’ in our relationship; we solely aspired for ’we’ in our journey. I always believed that life is a journey not a destination. As a direct and immediate result of it, stored divergent immortal memories locked in my soul. We were very naughty since our childhood…very very naughty…in strict sense. Such feeble and funny naughtiness was always appreciated and admired by all, as it was clothed with unimaginable love, sobriety and innocence. It would be great to strike herein with some of those ever-surging virtuous thuds which may also reveal the closeness of our hearts and feelings for each other.

Commencing the brief exposition of many wierd and creepy acts done by us; directly dil se. In our childhood, many a times, we locked our tution teacher in the study room and went for enthralling plays. We loved playing and enjoying, keeping studies as our last priority. We played many games ranging from flying kites, fabricated fights, video-games, football, cricket etc. Sometimes we also created new games to keep our creativity alive. He he he…Shouting at top of our voice to bug anyone, amicable enjoyment in rain, Herculean stupidity while hanging in tress etc. which are missed by me a lot. But point which I wanna emblazon here is – we were always together.

Fights are too good when done in childhood. Huh! Here our tussles and tiffs ranged from dresses to toys, from remote of TV to batting position in our cricket team. Although, it get rectified within short span of time that too automatically.

Bhaiya was very stubborn, egoistic and intelligent since his childhood. It’s a monstrous task to make him speak of his feelings. Mumma understood him more than anyone. Opposite to his qualities, I was chatter box, non-egoistic, non-intelligent, comedy and emotional. Everyone understood me I think so except myself. We had black and white differences in our nature but we always respected each other. Respecting of differences also create awesome relationships many a times. Our silence talked and facial expression conveyed us about our needs. He always gets right about my needs. Hardly, at any point of time we need trapping of any language to share our feelings. We always communicated without words

Yaaah! there persisted the rare combination of animadvert life styles and attitude between us. Although, when used together it surmounted many predicaments; creating many pleasurable moments. We filled lacunae’s of our personalities by helping each other in need. It consistently elevated our social standards and people started to recognize us as one soul (which is true in real sense; at least now). Moreover, central thrust in this phase also was – we were always together.

Basically, in my limited purview, real brothers of similar age don’t have the same friends or working nertwork but we altogether had common friends and same working spheres.

Really, I’ll miss something substantial if not mention the time spent together in our maternal home. Sincerely, we rocked there and accomplished the new realm of fun n masti. Due to this, we’re very close to all our cousines from maternal side. Whether it was stories of ghost or untidy swimming in tanks and pool; such memories can’t be eradicated from my mindset till the last tik-tik of my life. We use our creativity in elongating the realm of rapture and fun by bothering everyone around us. Time to mention few names who was part therein. Our team (Bhaiya, Mintu, Ruchi, Ankita, Chanchal, Appu, Chinki, Munna Bhai, Nitish Bhaiya, Golu Didi and all) designed many immortal memories therein. Locking people in bathrooms, irritating servants, mid-night chattings, game of hide n seek, betting on carrom, playing cards, bluffing trashes to generate money for our royal life style’s, outings for snacks (ranging from aaloo mangodi to icy masala cold-drinks). Uffff! How to forget them? We did every possible fun we could have done there. Those luna (old moped) days were good than of cars. Choupati visit with sisters in Priya Scooter (oldest model I’ve seen) were experience to remember. Altogether, unimaginable fun.

Immense faith and well wishes glorified the rhythmic feelings inside the strings of our heart with passionate love, dedicated commitments and incredible warmth in our relationships.

Keeping childish activities apart, we’ve again got another admirable thing to dedicate our lives for. It was sport revealed as CRICKET. We loved, admired and altogether lived cricket. The only thing at that stage our heart can think about. We devoted a considerable time for this mind-blowing sport. After the completion of our adolescence, we spent eight-ten hours of a day in our daily chore for this game. As Bhaiya was natural talent, his performance was suddenly recognized and appreciated but it took considerable time for me to establish myself as a good player. My determination, dedication and love for the game helped me to gain efficient skills within short span of time. We delivered in all our teams as the elite members ranging from school, colony, regional level, college and everywhere we played it. Obviously, Bhaiya was awesome but I also contributed within my limitation. His bowling was as fast as trigger and action was as awkward as one can foresee. A very aggressive player known because of his mind buckling sixes and serious fast bowling. Really, his attitude and consistent performance was unmatchable which always surprised the oppositions. My Big B was the silent bomb who exploded to serve the delightful sights for many when he was in his best of form. I really miss those golden facets of our life. As he always given me undeserving opportunities to increase my confidence level in the field. I love you brother for always believing in me. Our role model was Sachin Tendulkar. Here also - we were always together.

Life went brutal after our (10 + 2) days. Societal inclination compelled us to think for future endeavours. Believe me, it was forced emotion for us to think for future, as we always believed in sucking happiness from each moment of life. Yeah! Kal Ho Na Ho movie was treasure for us. He he he. Papaji admitted Bhaiya in some college of Bangalore. I was preparing for entrance exam of some law college, tell you one secret, it was a fake attempt from my part to evade science stream. After one month of Bangalore, Bhaiya came back to home for Diwali celebrations. I remember that day so well, his train was in morning and I was waiting whole night to see the morning dawn of that day in order to reach station at time. Believe me, unbearable night for me; many times my patience frustrated my will. Although, I prospered to escape from my sleep. It was our first separation for one month. After seeing him, I felt how vital a big brother is. Whole month I spent as a person with dead senses, without expressing any feelings to anyone but somewhere I missed him badly. Again we were together after miserable halts and sorely bad time.

Later on, destiny designed the common education for us. Delectable study of law it is this time, totally unaware about the field but entered herein after clearing competitive exam. Competitive exams were matter of mock for us before clearing it, now I’ll not denigrate because it may diminish our competency. Huh! Somehow we reached here but very tensed thereafter to cope with professional education. As for us, life was more than education always. No more fussiness, we managed it extremely well by balancing studies with enjoyment. Academics went ok…all right type…and slowly but surely people appreciated our qualities to elicit special treatment for us many a time. Most importantly here also – we were always together.

Bhaiya always said that I don’t want to study law. Donno, what was in his mind but he always said so. Our college life was so resplendent in hue that it would include lots of fuss and fuzz herein for me to express. So, won’t mention much here about our college life. But we were still together in this phase of life also.

Overwhelming academic atmosphere is bad. So, we used to manage many small adventurous trips to near by tourist spots inbetween our study time which reinvigorated our psyche from hectic schedule of academic life. In college - economic crisis, scarcity of time and many other related issues always forced us to create short and sweet plans. Plans comprised of speedier excitement.

Glut of regret for not evaluating the speed therein.

Huh!

Now, lilbit metaphorical comparison with cricket and our life. Test cricket is the most compact cricketing format. There exist two innings. Both innings are vital from results point of view. Longest game ever made in this era. Game is incredibly unpredictable, intoto, full of emotions and thrills. One has to perform well always to get winning results. But it is not true that every day is a good day. Talented batsman also cannot show consistent performance in bad day.

Same happened to us. We played the memorable innings of our life till 3rd October 2006. Our score of life till that moment was good and healthy. There we ended the twenty-one year partnership.

Still, can seer hope for performing well to reach at winning end? We commenced our second inning with astonishing sight of our life in 4th October 2006.

Believe me, lots of hope and adventure is in store, when Tendulkar is batting to reach Herculean target. Every prayer is imbued with positive energy and attitude. In bad day, master-blaster can also ruin his performance. Very disappointing it is when player like him meet with accident of run out that too in first over. No substitute for such tragedy but team wins many a times without super heroes.

Same circumstances became apparent here in our life, Bhaiya, very important player of our team got run out in first day of the second innings of our life. Believe me, his physical absenteeism demoralized the team but we’ll win bhaiya.

We’ll win.

Promise, I’ll revive my grit and skill again and again that you’ll be proud of me someday. Definitely, you changed your permanent location of living or whatever it may be but you’ll always remain as a precious part of our hearts.

Happy Birthday Bhaiya. Missing you so much. Now, I celebrate any birthdays of our second innings after we’ll win. Promise, I’ll try very hard to win.

Physically we are absent now but acquisition of souls had been stylishly done by creator of mankind. Emblazoning advancement herein is still that we are together for always and always. Merging of capabilities has already been done and it would be impossible to separate us herein forth. He never liked cell phones but still his instrument makes me remember the following enlightening lines –

“Dur hai aap se to kuch gam nahin, dur rehkar bhi bhulne waale hum nahin, mulaqaat naa ho paye to kya hua, aapki yaad mulaqat se kam nahi”