My Star...

Twinkle twinkle little star. Why is it so far? Ufff…read it with rhythm naa. Please…

Huh! Huhhh! Huhhhhhhhhhh…

Yup…

Going to begin…

Lying down in rough concrete veranda with leg hanging above stairs, I kept on observing the beauty of moonless night. My eyes totally focused towards upside and probing the late night functioning of black silent sky. Few droplets of tear touched my ears by flowing sideway after initiating its uncertain journey from adjoining end of my eye lashes. Still eyes rolled enough to cover the major part of endless sky. Complimenting the situation with deteriorating emotional thoughts I pondered –

Why creator regularly covers the bright blue colour of sky with black velvety blanket? Immediate result of which is to bring darkness. Yeah! I know people usually depict it as night.

My empirical analysis intimate that night accelerates our emotive force. Being a night prowler, must say it’s a best time to scan our thoughts and actions completely. Central thrust of such self scanning help us to disinfect persisting viruses effectively. As a result, my endeavour for scanning commenced. It kept on checking for viruses in all possible drives of my thinking dimension.

Thereafter, shift took place in realm of thinking when I thought that why rule of nature is so certain and perfect in its implementation also. Why each of its design is incredible? Who is the mastermind behind such accurate decoration? Ruminating in range of such questions, my eyes stuck at one star. It shined like costly diamond which seemed similar to the one fixed in my sister’s ear ring.

After sometime, I adopted transition in my focus, surged my eye towards other many stars also. There were myriad of stars emblazoning with dim sparkling shine. Size varied but each of it carried sharp glow. Believe me, silver shiny contrast over dark background deepened the sobriety of neat gloomy sky.

Suddenly, unnecessary vibration occurred in my mindset because of which many thoughts overlapped at the same time. Stars, my parents, friends, dust, night et cetera intruded simultaneously which made me really uncomfortable. I closed my eyes in fear; allowing sweat to emerge from divergent part of my body.

Moreover, unworried about me, night kept on getting dark with its radical certainty. Under which quantum of devastating feelings consistently kept on soaring inside my heart. Now, whole vicinity around my eyes became wet and nose also emanated unneeded stock of dirty fluids. I didn’t want to cry, so tried hard to enclose my lips but some other mooning sound came out which made the ambience unhealthy.

Very low from heart, which I ignored to accept. Patiently, tried enough to adhere with some vulnerable pain inside. Suddenly, impulsive thought made me worry that one day I will die and everything will collapse smoothly. Impact of such demise may bring out temporary horrendous consequences for some but the world will continue to flourish with its certain and unchangeable rules.

Hey, some people say that death is a tragedy for living beings. Although, other speak that melody of life continues even after death in some other format. Few force us to believe in myth that after death people become stars. Mystery about death is not perfectly trustworthy. Still, if said proposition is true than my special mate, who became eligible to enter in different world might be present amongst the caboodle of such splendid stars.

So with company of tears imbued with glum of stygian I kept on searching my star. Ufff…

Never ever my mind can get rigid, so my thought process jumped to some other mechanical stratum. How foolish I can be? Searching life in stars, which according to my intellectual perception only knows how to blink?

Stars were too far from me but still I raised my hands up to capture it. Completely awkward posture, where stupidity seems apparent, but my hands flirted with my intellect to chase the impossible.

Obviously, I was sad and thinking really bad. Even I thought to leave everything around me and run hard where destiny takes me off towards new adventure. Just became obsessed with non changing hardships of my life.

Furthermore, unaware of such detouring thoughts my body posture became stagnant as sculpture. Really, I was unable to comprehend the demand of my hands which were waiting to grab some intangible things in the air. Suddenly, some beam of light in such darkness lit my hand like a tube-light. Both of my hands got covered with border of amazing silver ray; which stunned all my senses. I kept on gazing it lovingly by changing my head position in semi-circle direction. Don’t know why thereafter I stopped thinking crap and became happy. Thankfully, due to which all negative thoughts got terminated.

Salubrious smile accrued and inadvertently I started chewing the lower part of my lips. Blinked one eye pointing towards sky; where hope for good again enlivened in my heart. Allegations made by my father and special friend expunged from my mind; giving me a sigh of expedient relief.

Clean chit given from the appropriate authority was enough to console me of my stand. It relaxed me enormously. With cushy shake in veranda I sang my favourite song and wiped out my tears.

Returned to my bed and slept unconsciously. Stupid revelation is over but I continued missing someone…

Running Thought...

Donno why I want to run,
In order to chase the susceptibility of changing season,
Sweating hard under the hot Sun,
Now just hate to trust anyone,
Dedicating my fight for some noble concern,
May be known or unknown,
Everyone is equal human under my imagination,
As humanity needs incredible donation,
Elongate ambit of love in your heart for this generous mission,
This war don’t need any gun but can be explored with adorable fun,
Keeping this idea in my psyche – wanna run, run and run…

Miraculous Meeting...

Be with us always

Ambience of religious function was apparent in my vision; some known relatives were busy in extrapolating their silly conversations. Others got ready before hand with their latest wardrobes, using their brain in order to avoid conflicts relating to occupied bathrooms. Like passive pillow, I was lying down at the corner of one bed. Digging out my past and deeply ruminating about someone special. Suddenly one curtly known voice interrupted my thought process, this time it was my Mumma screaming at me. Sandeep get ready for Bhajans, she said. Somehow, I managed to cope with the exigent situation and availed my presence in the function at due time.

Hardly my presence would have made any difference for anyone in the function. But still for Mumma, it matters. First time in my life, I was looking forward for this religious evening. Stifling badly inside my heart, I tried to pretend that everything there was normal for me.

Must say, wound of the most ghastly event of my life was quite new at that stage. Somehow surmounted the unbearable pain incurred due to my brother’s demise. Death people used to call it but for me Bhaiya is always with us. Actually, just few months back, we together enjoyed our time by sharing some casual thought in the same bed and discussed what we’re going to wear for some similar sort of religious function. I started missing him badly just because twitchy thought of not seeing him again was bothering me. This time I again realized that life without him is clueless. As his presence always added extra brio in my personality, it gave me immense confidence and coherent security to present myself positively in any place.

All possible memories crept in at that short span of time. Whether it’s combing of hair or tucking of his shirt in hurry. Stylish walk or roguish glare with animosity, all his activities sizzled in my memory lane. Just everything, I was dying to see it again at that rumination period. Instantly hope enlivened in my heart that he’ll come now somehow and thereafter we’ll proceed together for this function. At such harsh times, dippy self-made instinctive dreams compel us to believe that some miracle is due to happen. We create our own self-made beliefs during such times and force God to make these wishes come true. Emotions surpass purity and become so amazing that our soul automatically soars with feeling of true love.

Keeping above exposition aside, must say that I reorganized my senses thereon to present myself strongly, although my mental status didn’t allowed me to do so. Now, surging and detouring my thinking in all possible dimensions, couldn’t prevent my tears to flow. With full determination I tried to restrain my tears but they found their own way smoothly. Stunned sense and tsunami of tears took me to the world of my own. Again and again I uttered same thing in my prayer to God that I want to meet my brother. Please! Allow me to be with him once. Madness in my pleading and sentimental sensation of my urge to meet my brother got very strong.Without even waiting for my breathing halts, with utmost dedication and warmth in my feelings, I found myself begging for my brother.

Could see many known faces in surrounding environment but at that time of sheer typical mooning, nothing diverted my mind to anywhere. Crying hard before destiny, with honest hope of our meeting, I pleaded continuously. Tears fled consistently, various faces gazing at me but insouciant about any other thought I was truly expecting that my God will allow us to meet today. My contention was if at all my faith is pure and prayers are honest than God you cannot cancel our meeting today.

All sat systematically to commence Bhajan, somehow someone helped me to accommodate in-between the arrangement. Unconsciously with support of wall, slowly I sat down amidst the caboodle of Lord Krishna’s follower. Vibrating with uneasiness, rubbing my back in wall, joining my fingers to make unwanted punch, I continued with my prayer. Don’t know why, even though I knew that it is impossible to happen, pleading for miraculous meeting continued. Stubborn coercive request initiated after some time where I left everything to almighty and started to take his name continuously till the occurrence of our meeting. Moreover, some questions provoked my heart in between to search for the answers of many unanswerable questions.

How can I put fire in the dead body of my brother?

Where is he?

Is there any life beyond life?

Why destiny designs death?

With flow of such bewildering questions; vehemently I restarted praising God, this time without any demand or expectation. I submitted my psyche therein and scudded to take the name of Krishna Bhagwan faster than my heart beats. For me, it was an extra-ordinary experience where no other thought can squeeze in-between to disturb my concentration towards divinity.

Closed wet eyes, anointing my teeth strongly to control fascination and folded fingers to assemble punch depicted that my soul convincingly focused on something vital. Central thrust of such vitality is beyond genuine human comprehension.

Slowly but surely, concentration accelerated with cushy conviction in order to form strong basis for my instinctive demand of meeting. Imbued with purity in feelings, I felicitated with my honest prayer. Unsure of time, sincerely I perpetuated my name repetition task of God without any halt in between.

Wow! Miracle happened. Unaware of my physical body, my soul reached its destination. All in that other world was resplendent. I was able to see everything which my feelings demanded. So, couldn’t restrain my salubrious smile when I met Bhaiya. He was wearing different primitive clothes and was looking more handsome than ever. We hardly used to talk with each other but this time I was unable to restrain my curiosity to ask him so many questions.

Believe me; my happiness soared when I digested his calm responses. Laughing and crying at the same time. He just folded me in his arms and cried lovingly. All there was royal and divine. His bed type instrument, white clothes, and flawless skin with sparkling eyes – all was looking just incredible. He made me sit beside him and I talked continuously. With lots of expression I kept asking him so many questions but he opened his mouth very carefully. His replies are to the point and imbued with lots of intelligible rational. Another incident after that again elevated my merriment.

I never expected this. Just it was beyond me. When Lord Krishna himself arrived there and appreciated the love in our brotherhood. He said – salute to those parents who gave birth to this pure love. Thereafter, he made us dance with him. For me, it was quite comedy to dance in very different kind of music. God has so much love in himself that he himself gave special priority to love than any other feelings. Ohh! How I can forget those delectable edibles. With little bit of shyness, I gulped some. Thanks God.

Again we spent some more time with each other. After sometime someone shaked my body and I lost my concentration. Feathers of peacock moved like pendulum intimating that Bye Bye time is near. Bhaiya at last consoled me by saying everything will be fine, just keep walking in the right path.

Fantastic meeting ended thereafter. Body became so light and pure that it is ineffable to convey what I felt at that point of time.

Must say, God also can’t ignore the pure feelings of human heart. He respect and appreciate it with utmost care. So, keep on increasing love in your hearts. Path of love is difficult and full of obstacles but that feeling of love only make you capable enough to cross that difficult route and make you reach at the unknown divine destination.

I just love the feeling of love. To prevent our self from bad intent of human brains, many a time, we restrict our feelings. No problem with that but one should be brave enough to keep that love and feelings alive where it needed to be.

For me now, life goes on and on with lots of human feelings. Variety of such feelings may surge and change its quantum with time and circumstances. But the most satisfactory feeling felt by human hearts of all time is love. As, it compels me to believe that –

“Love itself is a journey and also the destination of human life.”

Qubus...

Sandy in Qubus

How to squeeze myself out from exam time? Escapism is general attitude herein.

Presently I’m least bothered about my performance in exams but results may make us ruminate upon guilt streams at later point of time.

However, I reinvigorated my spirit to perform reasonably well within my limitation during exam time by keep justifying my thinking with thought that – life is beyond exams. So, keep on anticipating it in best possible verve and spirits.

Blimey! Call from relative who invited me in dance party. How rocking it can be to expunge the scanty insipidness herein? Dichotomy of bewildering thought shook my mind – whether to go or not?

My heart was saying no but automatically after sometime I found myself dancing in Qubus (new disc of our city) where the said unexpected party was organized. With few friends I started shaking my body in weird manner to eradicate the frustration of exams.

Movement became wild and happening when thought of examination crept therein. Innovation took place in our dance steps when hated professor was mocked upon. Impetus of such liveliness in our dance was frustration of exam. We rocked the floor in relentless manner till all our energy got decimated.

Unpredictability of life continues with such rocking merriment in its hue.

Although, still one paper remaining to pacify my mind from such creepy examination.

Scary Exams...

I'

I'm obsessed with exams

Give your best shot in finals. Best of luck and study well. Please, perform well in time when it matters the most.

So many good wishes can be divulged before exam times. Overwhelming responses in such crucial time always help me to motivate my spirits. But, working pattern here is still unchanged–

Every colleague of mine is busy in revealing syllabus, assimilating materials and scanning their class notes. These activities make me feel that exams are near but what scares me is quite a stupid thought. Central thrust of this particular muzzy thought is I remain in tension because I’m not getting tension for my exams.

Uffff! Stunning thought but I really waste my vital time during exams. All idiotic work gain priority in my routine to escape study. Sleeping time elevate in order to relax my mind, I take more time than usual in doing all my routine works, twitchy tension also accrue in background of my mind which irritates me badly. Somehow, till last night before exam I manage this shaky mindset. As always I try to study but self made impediments constantly derogate me from my academic grants.

Last night is the night which matters the most for me. All anomaly of mind eradicates and I keep on struggling to complete some part of syllabus. Must say, history of my academic life reveals that I’m unable to complete full syllabus of any subject till date so question of revision never arises herein. I stifle a lot in my own way to surpass these bothering examinations. I hate it so much.

Struggle for getting appreciable grade continues. Work efficiency also felicitating as stagnant as before. As a result, approach for survivalism rocks on as always.

Do feel guilty at times but somehow I justify my stand to my heart. After all, life is beyond such examination. I love myself in whatsoever situation that keeps my confidence alive. Really difficult time and writing this post in order to keep myself busy in work which is more happening than exams. Yeah! difficult to digest above craps, so Bye Bye.

Just Shut Up...

Law of contract is very crucial subject in this modern era. Every secure transaction is done by entering into agreements. Each agreement comprise of terms and conditions. Sole reason for fostering such type of business management is to evade future problems.

Don’t be scared, this post will not emanate any technical concept of the subject. My endeavour to reveal about contract law is something else; very comedy in hue, as sometime back I intended to built one friendship on the basis of agreement.

Few months back, somehow I engaged myself in chatting with one girl. I knew that girl before hand but we never ever talked like we do it now. Some cogent purpose compelled us to interchange thoughts. Believe me; originality pays you in long facets of life because I shared my natural witty behaviour with her in that limited conversation. Within that short span of time, our hilarious happening instinct was enough to extrapolate topics for our further talks. It’s incredible to share feelings with a person of similar characteristics, so somehow elongated the horizon of our discussion in polished language replete with lots of original opinions. Casually unconcerned about the status of our relationship, we discussed on so many subjects that it was enough to form a broad opinion about each other. Later on, hysteric emblazonment of our minds made us feel that we became awesome friends.

When we care for someone, detouring fear and unexpected expectations automatically creeps in. I proposed her to enter into an agreement for typical friendship in very cheeky manner. Her response was obvious; she was stunned and scolded me that release pressure from your mind by thinking in such trashy dimension. It made me realize how foolish I can be at times. She respected my innocent expression which refilled my subsequent responses with exuberant brio and enthusiasm. Whole contract law expunged from my mind and she taught me friendship should be unconditional. If you impose conditions in friendship than mere status and caliber of relation becomes blurred.

First time I thought, wow how convincingly she changed the mindset of stubborn fellow who always followed some self-made beliefs of his heart. Yup, every relation should be freed from impediments for adequate outcomes. Very simple thought it was but expressed at suitable timing to become special.

Seriously, I found many of my lost capabilities of my childhood while communicating with her. Again, life started taking new shape in some unrecognized stratums, where only originality and purity prevailed. We recuperated ourselves from formal canons of expression; lost inherent hilarious capabilities of our nature refreshed their realms inside us again.

After divulging the intellectual dimension of each other, it can be emanated that destiny designed us in each other’s way in such a novel manner because we managed to have many similar qualities. For me, basic skills and verve of both of us are so accurate that it can be called as ‘same’.

With so many similarities, we were striding with conviction in unknown way. Lost laughing capabilities was found, when we chatted and our hilarious humour blow us off consistently. I laughed so much that it was sheer rapture at times. Ethereal feelings continued scanning the heart to express any rare thoughts, although we always tried to laminate it with delightful sobriety. Now, differences can be talked upon. Differences were present, not in our basic characteristics or nature but in the way we behaved.

I always expressed my heart out but she restricted her feelings for some reason. I hated and denigrated it but it continued for probable time. Sometimes I felt that whether I’m intervening too much in her life; although her placid responses and her past made me cooperate at times. She behaved so girlish type that I just can’t stop my wild laughs at occasion. As we shared so many similarities, we had similar bewailing ego problems. I was cent percent sure that it will bother us extremely at sometime in our relation.

Wriggling twists of our life made us meet at a time, when a worst tragedy in both of our life was quite fresh. Even we ignore, somewhere in our heart we didn’t had any expectation from our life at that particular moment when we met in internet. Overwhelming response of her really attracted my attention. Although at that time, we were just living for the sake of it, so proximity of pain also found similarity in our pleasant itinerary.

Thereafter, inevitable accrued in my heart. I started admiring her so much that couldn’t think beyond her. Without any fear in mind, I’ll express myself herein now. When we involve our mind in any subject, with time and interest, we initiate delving rare insights to entail our knowledge therein. Same happened to me, I thought so much about her so somehow commenced praising her in my heart. Every reaction of her I started liking. I loved her intoxicating eyes which deserve a separate post in my blog. Those miraculous eyes made me mad, whether its stylish blinking or stupendous shine, every movement of it calmed my senses and claimed appreciation of praise. Totally small in size but it communicates. Impetus of its glow extend when it is complimented with joyful cushy smile. I just love the husk of her voice, although very rarely I got the opportunity to listen it but her voice also just blow me off. Moreover, I think she also observed me consistently but hesitate in expressing it. It suited her personality also, as she is beautiful and sober kinda bomb who explodes rarely to emanate happiness for others. Must say; a very determined and passionate individual to secure the sanctity of every relations in her life. Best thing about her is she lives relation rather than performing it as a part of responsibility. A suave innocent personality who is really comedy in many of her instantaneous instincts. Every baggy movement of her made me cherish her eternal beauty. Honestly, no ulterior motives at all than also could not restrict these endearing gloss to praise my adorable sweetheart friend.

Five crucial months has been surpassed but irony of charm in this relation can't be enfeebled so soon. I’ll miss her salubrious smile and exhilarating responses forever.

Yeah, I miss it because she said today that she hates me so much. Bye forever she said to me. We had another happening fight today. Something allowed tsunami to occur inside my heart. Even with that gloomy pain, I tried to reconcile but she said with lots of conviction that don’t bother me in my life again. When she gets angry, her response gets fatal which shakes my nervous energy. For me, my stand was so obvious and correct that such feeling is ridiculous to feel. My self-esteem is bothering me so much that can’t talk with her now. She takes me for granted at many circumstances which I hate it. Many a times, fault was mine but I never admitted it but she also does the same. No harmony was probed even for a single time in dismembering our faults during fights. Donno whoz to be found guilty herein?

She has different priorities and aspirations in her life. I’m still unsure about my priorities, juzz wanna squeeze somewhere with loads of prosperity. My best wishes are secured for all her future endeavours and I’ll try to keep myself away from her.

Shut up I used to call her.

Now, if you get here – Just shut up.

How much you hurt me? I’m getting lost forever…ohk…My delicate feelings became more brittle and ready to be broken. Come and crash it as you do it always. You fighter, I really miss your huge range of Hindi slangs throughout my life.

For you –

“God knocks our door once with the opportunity, if you show your laziness in doing the needful. Your neighbour will enjoy the benefit. Comedy observation of mine but yeah timing matters in life.”

Who loves you?

Who loves you?

Who?

Why I’m asking this question?

Whom I’m asking?

What is the probable answer to it?

Why I need this answer?

Absolutely unsure about it. Still wanna express whatever I feel because this is my place of expression.

Love – heard that it cannot be purchased; also divulged about its unpredictability in one’s life. May be, never felt it in concrete manner. Still insouciant about the ingredients imbibed therein. Moreover, people say it happens suddenly. Before your senses realize its presence, you become crazy and mad.

Hey, plz...

People don’t think that I’m talking about love for parents or relatives…ohk…it may be bewildering mind set of some people when they find me writing about love. So, plz…

Can’t describe much about love but will convey my feelings herein.

For me, at benign time of my adolescence love was a foolish epithet which creates problems for every teenager. Dats it.

Never tried to comprehend the insights of what love is? But can say I loved to watch good love stories of Bollywood. A pleasure oriented treasure it is. May be I was brought up in such environment where I always restricted myself to think about all these issues.

Believe me, its enough of back ground introduction to intimate what I wanted to explore. Few months back, I commenced communicating with one gal. It was unexpected and sudden. How it happened? I donno but it happened. We indulged ourselves in many casual talks on vividly happening topics. We extrapolated the realm of expression with many vibrant issues. Range of issues surges from humor to sensible communication. Slowly but surely our tuning became so happening that we became very very close friends; such with whom one can share their sensitive emotion and wild wit. We started feeling each others feeling in the same manner as we felt in the particular situation. Understanding elevated, feelings soared and friendship too elongated its ambit with short span of time. Thereafter, we became inevitable part of each others chore.

I never talked with her in person. Reason is quite stupid that I’m a big duffer of all time. Donno, my voice takes so much time to come out when I see her that timing mismatches. I feel so uncomfortable that my heart get stunned and mind sweats; so it’s better to be silent than to screw my own image before my another special friend. Although, by meagre default also I never miss any opportunity to see her.

It never suits my personality that I do such type of silly things. Still my psyche compels me to do so. Huh! Something derogating me somewhere which I myself donno.

Still the stature of friendship is alive in our relation which keeps us going in many untapped stratums. Since past few months, I can’t think beyond her in any facet of my life. First time, any eyes mesmerized me to such an extent that I lost myself. My vision always waits for those special blinking of her eyes which replicate confirmation of one secret thing in our friendship. When I see her all my tension diminishes, heart shivers and my mind seers for one different type of dream.

What type of dream is this? Didn’t give much pressure on my mind to ruminate in that dimension but still desperately and passionately chasing something to happen.

It requires two hands for adequate clapping. So, I’m not the only culprit for sure. This ever-glowing friendship is flawless till now and its itinerary replete with miraculous thud for sure. Blimey! May be its flavour is still unrecognized through our formal expression.

Most vital part is we both tried to limit the horizon of this relation through many unsuccessful attempts. We indulged ourselves in divergent tiffs and detouring tussles each and every day. Fights we call it. Badly we fought which made us bother grievously. It spoiled our exams and many related endeavours also. More we fight, deeper and wider our feelings grew for each other. Every fight was so serious because each time it seems that we lost each other. Issues in our fights are so nebulous that we forget the issue but still fight felicitate unbound and high. Admiring part of this special relation is our fights only which made us miss each other so much.

Must say, only eyes till date which attracted my attention.

Donno where this friendship is taking us but we are enjoying it so much. As we share so many similarities in nature, thinking, life-style and so on.

Shut up – she always used to say me so shutting my brief observation herein. Miss you shut up.

Hope, many more fights to come with more durable reciprocity. We both believe in destiny and its designs. This friendship occurred because she says –

“People having similar circumstances, grievances and conviction automatically come closer to each other.”

Happy Birthday Bhaiya...

Last Photograph!!!

Many things can’t be thought in isolation - as Acting and Amitabh, Rain and Rainbow, Sachin and Cricket, Needle and Thread, Heart and Feelings etc. Really, several pairs are made for each other. They compliment each other to reach certain cherished targets. Elsewhere their beauty and efficacy diminishes; if such are dismembered from its adjoining relation. Believe me; potential of such single member of the pair emanates incomplete results when used in separate or distinct routes. Just because they are made for each other. Therefore, destiny designed many things in pair to explore the vitality and rhythm of their tasks. Likewise, some years before, inevitable happened in our family. It was the beginning of unbelievable journey for us.

Yaa…us…wait to divulge it.

One magnificent couple (my parents) gifted with another marvelous pair (Sudeep and Sandeep) which brought loads of happiness for them. Although, in both of the above mentioned couples, age difference was same between them but proximity of relationship with each other differed. Former magnificent one is husband-wife and latter were brothers. Both couples were happening and entailing the ambit of their happiness by increasing the scope of prosperity and tranquility in their lives.

Still want to reveal the formation of Sudeep and Sandeep (Incredible Brothers of their times). In October 2, 1984 when India was celebrating the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi (Father of Nation); my grand-parents at home expecting their first grand son. Just next day after the birthday of Gandhiji, there born my lovely brother Sudeep. After one year and nine days, to be more concrete at 12th October 1985 (Just one day after the birthday of Amitabh Bachchan) joined by his brother Sandeep. Our itinerary commenced thereon. According to my limited memory, can’t refresh the single incident when this name was taken in isolation. By the way, I used to call him Bhaiya after recognizing the sensibility of my senses.

Oh my God! If I’ll try to serve the various juicy moments of our life than have to publish a book on it. So, try to restrict my elocution to highlighted spheres only. There never came ‘I’ in our relationship; we solely aspired for ’we’ in our journey. I always believed that life is a journey not a destination. As a direct and immediate result of it, stored divergent immortal memories locked in my soul. We were very naughty since our childhood…very very naughty…in strict sense. Such feeble and funny naughtiness was always appreciated and admired by all, as it was clothed with unimaginable love, sobriety and innocence. It would be great to strike herein with some of those ever-surging virtuous thuds which may also reveal the closeness of our hearts and feelings for each other.

Commencing the brief exposition of many wierd and creepy acts done by us; directly dil se. In our childhood, many a times, we locked our tution teacher in the study room and went for enthralling plays. We loved playing and enjoying, keeping studies as our last priority. We played many games ranging from flying kites, fabricated fights, video-games, football, cricket etc. Sometimes we also created new games to keep our creativity alive. He he he…Shouting at top of our voice to bug anyone, amicable enjoyment in rain, Herculean stupidity while hanging in tress etc. which are missed by me a lot. But point which I wanna emblazon here is – we were always together.

Fights are too good when done in childhood. Huh! Here our tussles and tiffs ranged from dresses to toys, from remote of TV to batting position in our cricket team. Although, it get rectified within short span of time that too automatically.

Bhaiya was very stubborn, egoistic and intelligent since his childhood. It’s a monstrous task to make him speak of his feelings. Mumma understood him more than anyone. Opposite to his qualities, I was chatter box, non-egoistic, non-intelligent, comedy and emotional. Everyone understood me I think so except myself. We had black and white differences in our nature but we always respected each other. Respecting of differences also create awesome relationships many a times. Our silence talked and facial expression conveyed us about our needs. He always gets right about my needs. Hardly, at any point of time we need trapping of any language to share our feelings. We always communicated without words

Yaaah! there persisted the rare combination of animadvert life styles and attitude between us. Although, when used together it surmounted many predicaments; creating many pleasurable moments. We filled lacunae’s of our personalities by helping each other in need. It consistently elevated our social standards and people started to recognize us as one soul (which is true in real sense; at least now). Moreover, central thrust in this phase also was – we were always together.

Basically, in my limited purview, real brothers of similar age don’t have the same friends or working nertwork but we altogether had common friends and same working spheres.

Really, I’ll miss something substantial if not mention the time spent together in our maternal home. Sincerely, we rocked there and accomplished the new realm of fun n masti. Due to this, we’re very close to all our cousines from maternal side. Whether it was stories of ghost or untidy swimming in tanks and pool; such memories can’t be eradicated from my mindset till the last tik-tik of my life. We use our creativity in elongating the realm of rapture and fun by bothering everyone around us. Time to mention few names who was part therein. Our team (Bhaiya, Mintu, Ruchi, Ankita, Chanchal, Appu, Chinki, Munna Bhai, Nitish Bhaiya, Golu Didi and all) designed many immortal memories therein. Locking people in bathrooms, irritating servants, mid-night chattings, game of hide n seek, betting on carrom, playing cards, bluffing trashes to generate money for our royal life style’s, outings for snacks (ranging from aaloo mangodi to icy masala cold-drinks). Uffff! How to forget them? We did every possible fun we could have done there. Those luna (old moped) days were good than of cars. Choupati visit with sisters in Priya Scooter (oldest model I’ve seen) were experience to remember. Altogether, unimaginable fun.

Immense faith and well wishes glorified the rhythmic feelings inside the strings of our heart with passionate love, dedicated commitments and incredible warmth in our relationships.

Keeping childish activities apart, we’ve again got another admirable thing to dedicate our lives for. It was sport revealed as CRICKET. We loved, admired and altogether lived cricket. The only thing at that stage our heart can think about. We devoted a considerable time for this mind-blowing sport. After the completion of our adolescence, we spent eight-ten hours of a day in our daily chore for this game. As Bhaiya was natural talent, his performance was suddenly recognized and appreciated but it took considerable time for me to establish myself as a good player. My determination, dedication and love for the game helped me to gain efficient skills within short span of time. We delivered in all our teams as the elite members ranging from school, colony, regional level, college and everywhere we played it. Obviously, Bhaiya was awesome but I also contributed within my limitation. His bowling was as fast as trigger and action was as awkward as one can foresee. A very aggressive player known because of his mind buckling sixes and serious fast bowling. Really, his attitude and consistent performance was unmatchable which always surprised the oppositions. My Big B was the silent bomb who exploded to serve the delightful sights for many when he was in his best of form. I really miss those golden facets of our life. As he always given me undeserving opportunities to increase my confidence level in the field. I love you brother for always believing in me. Our role model was Sachin Tendulkar. Here also - we were always together.

Life went brutal after our (10 + 2) days. Societal inclination compelled us to think for future endeavours. Believe me, it was forced emotion for us to think for future, as we always believed in sucking happiness from each moment of life. Yeah! Kal Ho Na Ho movie was treasure for us. He he he. Papaji admitted Bhaiya in some college of Bangalore. I was preparing for entrance exam of some law college, tell you one secret, it was a fake attempt from my part to evade science stream. After one month of Bangalore, Bhaiya came back to home for Diwali celebrations. I remember that day so well, his train was in morning and I was waiting whole night to see the morning dawn of that day in order to reach station at time. Believe me, unbearable night for me; many times my patience frustrated my will. Although, I prospered to escape from my sleep. It was our first separation for one month. After seeing him, I felt how vital a big brother is. Whole month I spent as a person with dead senses, without expressing any feelings to anyone but somewhere I missed him badly. Again we were together after miserable halts and sorely bad time.

Later on, destiny designed the common education for us. Delectable study of law it is this time, totally unaware about the field but entered herein after clearing competitive exam. Competitive exams were matter of mock for us before clearing it, now I’ll not denigrate because it may diminish our competency. Huh! Somehow we reached here but very tensed thereafter to cope with professional education. As for us, life was more than education always. No more fussiness, we managed it extremely well by balancing studies with enjoyment. Academics went ok…all right type…and slowly but surely people appreciated our qualities to elicit special treatment for us many a time. Most importantly here also – we were always together.

Bhaiya always said that I don’t want to study law. Donno, what was in his mind but he always said so. Our college life was so resplendent in hue that it would include lots of fuss and fuzz herein for me to express. So, won’t mention much here about our college life. But we were still together in this phase of life also.

Overwhelming academic atmosphere is bad. So, we used to manage many small adventurous trips to near by tourist spots inbetween our study time which reinvigorated our psyche from hectic schedule of academic life. In college - economic crisis, scarcity of time and many other related issues always forced us to create short and sweet plans. Plans comprised of speedier excitement.

Glut of regret for not evaluating the speed therein.

Huh!

Now, lilbit metaphorical comparison with cricket and our life. Test cricket is the most compact cricketing format. There exist two innings. Both innings are vital from results point of view. Longest game ever made in this era. Game is incredibly unpredictable, intoto, full of emotions and thrills. One has to perform well always to get winning results. But it is not true that every day is a good day. Talented batsman also cannot show consistent performance in bad day.

Same happened to us. We played the memorable innings of our life till 3rd October 2006. Our score of life till that moment was good and healthy. There we ended the twenty-one year partnership.

Still, can seer hope for performing well to reach at winning end? We commenced our second inning with astonishing sight of our life in 4th October 2006.

Believe me, lots of hope and adventure is in store, when Tendulkar is batting to reach Herculean target. Every prayer is imbued with positive energy and attitude. In bad day, master-blaster can also ruin his performance. Very disappointing it is when player like him meet with accident of run out that too in first over. No substitute for such tragedy but team wins many a times without super heroes.

Same circumstances became apparent here in our life, Bhaiya, very important player of our team got run out in first day of the second innings of our life. Believe me, his physical absenteeism demoralized the team but we’ll win bhaiya.

We’ll win.

Promise, I’ll revive my grit and skill again and again that you’ll be proud of me someday. Definitely, you changed your permanent location of living or whatever it may be but you’ll always remain as a precious part of our hearts.

Happy Birthday Bhaiya. Missing you so much. Now, I celebrate any birthdays of our second innings after we’ll win. Promise, I’ll try very hard to win.

Physically we are absent now but acquisition of souls had been stylishly done by creator of mankind. Emblazoning advancement herein is still that we are together for always and always. Merging of capabilities has already been done and it would be impossible to separate us herein forth. He never liked cell phones but still his instrument makes me remember the following enlightening lines –

“Dur hai aap se to kuch gam nahin, dur rehkar bhi bhulne waale hum nahin, mulaqaat naa ho paye to kya hua, aapki yaad mulaqat se kam nahi”

Castle of Horror...

Some questions my soul asked from destiny.

How one can feel if his dreams get destroyed before commencing its journey?

Has anyone seen the collapsing ceremony of his home before being built up?

What’s the remedy if person is punished for entailing the ambit of honesty in his soul?

Can someone feel without the heart? Why I shouldn’t stifle when you’ve taken the part of my heart?

You gave me lots of reason to cry but not a single shoulder to stabilize my senses. Why I only have to find a separate place to flow my tears?

Why you are stabbing in my wound again and again?

Why me? Why me?

So many questions…so many…some mentioned here and some remained unmentioned. Idiotic questions in my previous (first innings) perceptions; or may be result of unimagined and unanticipated disappointment. No answers available in my mind for the abovementioned questions but has been consistently asked by my soul. Although, most awkward and irritating questions to ponder upon in normal circumstances of life. However, the proximity of pain and sadness is unmatchable when our psych elicits such bloomy thuds. In my opinion, its effects are darker than the lonely midnights of sandy deserts or may be much ghastly than coercive pederasty of a child. Yaaa right, given comparison was not suited the context but still mentioned it in order to reveal my foolish mental status. Still, when such issues of life intermingle with multitudinous sphere of complexity; normal human mind ruminate upon such ludicrous themes. Believe me, one of the rare feelings one can ever have…that too…replete with exaggerated virtues of gloomy characteristics. What’s all this? I never intended to emanate my observation on such type of exceptional outburst of seldom emotions. Therefore, here is the exigency to detour this bewildering theme to some other enthralling facets of my life.

Huh! 2007 initiated with lots of surprises in store. It can be simplified with following question. How one can feel if his childhood dream comes true? On top of the world…overwhelmed reaction of many specimens. I’m different or may be situation made me likewise. When I saw all my childhood heroes directly in front of my eyes…ufffff…What to say? Sachin, Dravid, Ganguly, Dhoni and all playing vital innings of their life. All happiness in the world compelled me to shiver without any adequate expression. Everything there was perfect but didn’t appreciate solely by my heart. Temptation for ice-creams and pursuit for pleasure may never halt; so why should my expectations. By the way, satisfactory experience in Nagpur while watching first ODI of my life. Ohhhhhh! that electric atmosphere was quite new for me. It helped me to hide my tears, atleast for limited time-period. Reason for the same is ineffable. By the way, thank you Bunty Bhaiya…How much you’ll do for me? Thanks again.

For me, life is a journey not a destination. As this particular dream of mine got true but successfully erased its component when other inevitable happens…that too…again in ghastly, fiendish and gruesome manner. Just now, commenced organizing my efforts and skills with efficient outcomes but destiny desires are beyond me. They terminated the life-cycle of my grand-father, elapsed the prosperous hope for my family, eradicated happiness from our chore or may be expunged the roots of expectation. Its fate or something else. May be, exploiting my desires or making me strong to take many responsibilities. Answers are expediently needed:

Can anyone quit achieving the target for no reasons at all after coming very close to it?

Whether you are testing my patience level? Once you render happiness which is consistently followed by unmatchable sorrows and glum.

I started working hard for many hours but still such fates can’t be appreciated. I deserve much and don’t want to tolerate anything more.

Please, Please, Please…stop these events or put halt in my tik-tik.

Whole of my childhood collapsed in making dreams for my future endeavors but never hoped in such dimensions. You not only made the obstruction but closed the way.

Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz…take everything but return my brother. How I’ll measure the elongating journey without having him in any of my destination. I need concrete answers. Although, I praise you for arranging meeting with God and allowing me to spend time with my brother. But still, I don’t want God. Just return my brother back or take me to his present location. The pain becoming unbearable…Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz…help me in this regard.

Why shouldn’t I ask my brother back…tell me…the reason.

What wrong we did? Altruism was the basic virtue in our nature through out in our first innings. Never did anything wrong…neither for society nor for specific person than…

Why? Why? Why?

Sandeep is incomplete without Sudeep; believe me. You try to understand this point and answer the following:

Can ice be formed without imagining water?

Did Ramayana is complete without Hanuman Ji?

Whether laws can be made without intelligible rational? (Sorry, as a law student have to mention this)

Noooops…same way here toooo. Sudeep and Sandeep is the name can’t be taken in isolation. Please return back my brother in any possible manner. We’re very egoistic but still begging in front of you. Plz Plz Plz…do the needful.

Hey, all above is not a complete trash. As it really pains when one see the aimless eyes of his mother waiting for impossible to happen and deteriorating mental condition of his father seeking answers of many weirdest questions. Circumstances became more gruesome when tears are locked behind my eyes and condition being imposed by my heart on its generic flow. Why shouldn’t I cry? Why? The immediate answer is…I’m not a looser who needs artificial sympathy of society. Noops…the right answer is…I don’t wanna forget my tough times. Reason for the same is again my pompous belief, ‘ my tough time inspire me to pursue good ends by reigniting my working capabilities.’

The only thing I need is unconditional love…as always got from my Big B and very few others. Still that immortal love is felicitating but sometimes self-centered members of the community corrupt my sensitive and delicate feeling. I feel very lonely and continue to elongate the scope of my loneliness. At times, try to over-react in situations in order to console my heart that everything is normal. Immediately, after such fake attempt my soul answers- “Don’t become normal. As success in a true sense always emanate from thinking which is beyond normal.”

Above premise would be nebulous for many but reinvigorated my passion, determination and dedication towards my future visions. It helped me to convert my sorrow into virtue called inspiration.

Still, you design something harsh in my way.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

You can’t because Bhaiyaji (my brother) and Babuji (my grand-father) are managing our luck counter; my senses revealed such fact.

If you still try to exploit us. Beware! It would affect you in pernicious way.

Living in a castle of horror is not a big deal but converting it into a dream world is a myriad to be cherished. Again divulging the premise adhered by my soul to coherently conveys my intention. It was also mentioned in my first post and refreshment is expedient again at this stage of my life:

"Whatever You do In life...There is neither an issue of winning or loosing nor of life or death but the whole issue is...whether we are complying with our basic duties i.e. kartavya or not?...as the sole object of a warrior is to fight...fight hard...untill and unless he win".

Epitome of Humility...

Crumpling sounds of unnecessary thoughts are disturbing my senses just before four days of my end-term exams. Just before exams, slight nervous energy persuaded me to take enormous tension in my ever-surging mindset. Although somehow, I started reading and after reading some significant portion, I became desperate to take small breaks. These unneeded interruption consistently recurred as many times as possible due to my high spirited impulsiveness in such tricky situations. Many scandalizing thoughts creeped in my mind with its varying scurrilous effect. All prodigal feelings felt at a same time in order to devastate my concentration, as a result, I was so lonely and helpless. At such struggling time, enthusiasm demised, tension possessed and enjoyed its part, no one was there to support me but in this particular testing situation, destiny desired to evaluate my mental composure and strength. Definitely, this was not an effective time to bear such an outburst of gigantic nervous pressure. Therefore, I made various attempt in order to deviate my mind from these evil thoughts. Moreover, in these type of insipid moments, I start making honest promise with myself to do better next time. Although, a decade has been passed but that particular next time has never came. Hoping for the best, I always shifted my burden on future moments and enjoyed repercussions of persisting circumstances. As I believe in Kal Ho Na Ho but today any of my justifications to maintain my mental sensibility were stifling to foster my spirits. Hence, felt subservient under the pressure of such an adverse situation against me. What to do now in order to reach an appropriate resolution? Totally confused and became more timid by watching a huge syllabus in front of me. I made another attempt to convince my heart by reciprocating to myself about vivacity of my experience, as now, I feel myself as an experience guy who evades such predicaments in quite an organised manner. I mean to say that I became an experienced campaigner to handle such twitchy examination pressure. Erstwhile, my body shivered in such situations; and thereafter, shriveled due to exaggerated tension of examination fever in mind which consequentially deteriorated my physical condition also. Altogether, my honest efforts at such crucial moments seek for best possible available alternative to emanate a satisfactory output. But, intoto, a reality is that I cheat my capabilities and skills by eliciting various sterile justifications and futile reasons. Ha Ha Ha….so boring enumerations but I do believe in my inherent capabilities.

Having observed so, I took another break and went out of my kitchen bedroom. I was very tensed but the world around me was pretty same. As Kundan and Tyagi were hanging around in hostel premises, some hostel mates were busy in their mobile phones, many others were trying to sleep inside their mosquito net at common veranda. Where all were busy with their unorganized hostel events, I flawlessly glared towards highway and tried to evaluate my compatibility by giving honest answer to myself. After sometime, I found my answer in a painful form, such as, my expectations were very high but results were unsatisfactory. I knew that an aspiration without systematic hard work is merely a bewildering web. So, I became very sad after having meeting with a truthful harsh reality. It was more painful because such emotional feelings can never find a shoulder to share such precious observations and thereafter rely on…that too…in an examination time. I continued digging the lore and mystery of my ill-wills…that too…first time after my school life. After crossing various hurdles through my thinking bike, I unintentionally heard untidy sounds of passing trucks and suddenly locked my room and cursed myself for not utilizing proper opportunity at appropriate time. In my past cricket life, I heard that timing and placement are so important to score more and more runs, same principle applies in real life also, timing to grab an opportunity plays a vital role in building some hopeful future moments. In my language…it is Chance Pe Dance. Subsequently, expectations of my parents became apparent to my sober mind which ruined my confidence and made me cowardice to accept that my laziness had always derogated me from my own grant. I hereby acknowledge my very weak will power which persevered for a long time to confirm my unknown losses. These exacerbating reasons made me think that I am cheating with myself and wasting my parent’s money. At a particular instance, I felt very humiliating about the future results of my academic tasks. As a result, I sincerely apologized for all the mistakes committed by me from Hanumanji, thereafter; his omnipotent blessings recuperated my devastating mindset. At last; some worthy thoughts made me belief that “I received nothing I wanted… but I received everything I needed.”

Lascivious Lawyer...

Sandy determined to become a lawyer

Believe me; "The best way to predict the future is to create it." So, I keep on creating a proper opportunity to emblazon my future moments...that too...through my consistent honest attempts to do something innovative and creative. As a result, law seems to become a perfect vocation for myself. Therefore, desire to become a good lawyer is always complimented by unstoppable virtues like dedication, determination and incredible passion. Meanwhile, I do waste some precious time for various unnecesary and unwarranted works, in simple sense, at such time laziness support me to ignore some constructive and urgent tasks. Moreover, this twitchy inevitable stupidity derogate me from my own grant where I have to opt for other available alternatives. In such moments, whatever may be the circumstance, I never stop trying, I always try to rectify persisting predicaments and at the same time do some unplanned and inadvertent mistakes. I keep on trying to do new things instead of various failures because I believe that anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Till now, a satisfactory journey as a law student because study in this particular stream renders a coherent platform to present and develop once skills, physically as well as mentally.

"Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings." Presently, this quote is an appropriate verbatim to reveal my persisting situation. Moreover, another imperative idea follows as that there should be a proper vision to achieve success in one's life; said by Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam(President of India). No vision, no crucial ambition for me at present time...life became insipid in this institution. Oops...tragedy happened...Sorry, I lost a significant content of a particular post where I have enumerated a detailed exposition about my college life. It is so painful when something decieve you when you have worked very hard on it. Same thing happened with me this time. I enumerated a detailed observations of my acdemic life in this particular paragraph but it got disappeared from my eye sight due to some technical error. By the way, it was quite a fascinating couple of years for me because I faced strangest of situations after joining a particular National Law University.
Now, I am quite desperate to complete my LLB and want to enjoy my life as a lascivious lawyer. I used a particular term because lust to enjoy tricky and unpredictable situations is something very amazing and fascinating. Therefore, a particular vocation is a right choice for me, where future events are totally unpredicatble, where one can do a cheapest of thing or can persevere to do many noble tasks. So, in this profession, its very difficult to believe on any indigenous because suspicion becomes invividly an inherent habit of a person. Although, I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. Furthermore, I want to prosper in my life with flying colours, as I believe in another belief emanated its substantial content from Indian mythology. It follows as "When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

Holi Hai...

Sudeep and Sandeep at Holi

No Doubt...Holi with college friends that too with Tyagi, Kundan, Anumeh, Big B etc...just too good. After two years I played Holi in my native town. We played Holi before Holi but at Holi no Holi for us. Ha Ha Ha...confuzion...I mean to say that a day before Holi we painted some unknown designs in eachother's body parts with lots of varying colourful shades but at a day which was reserved for a particular festival; we found ourselves changing position in our sleeping bed. It was so comedy because a day before Holi we all friends compelled other hostel mates to play a delightful game and at a crucial time...we did Gaddari(decieved their faith). Although, it lead to a small tiffs between some of us but at the end, all were enjoying this fascinating display of rubbing rang at each others face. Thereafter, we became busy in onerous Holi bath. Playing Holi is so good but subsequent bath to eradicate those harmful colour is that much insipid. I enjoyed a particular change but at the same time 'I missed someone'. This time it was my Bunty Bhaiya. I miss you so much Bhaiya and what about your promise? He promised me that he'll drop a big box of chudi rang(dark colour) in my long hairs. Bhaiya 'I didn't allowed anyone to put any amount of colour in my hair, my hair is waiting for your big box'. Ha Ha Ha...really comedy naa...Hope we'll get another opportunity soon where we can celebrate this festival with varying colours of our precious emotions.

Happy Valentine's Day...

For someone unknown or may be known but only to me, me and me. My Valentine Day with myself follows as -

Chaah thi in aasuon ki aankhon se chalak jaaye,
Par aisi thi haalat chah kar bhi naa koi inhe gira paaye,
Gam ne kiya tha yun hataash,
Asamanjhas mein they ki kaise jindagi ko jiya jaaye,
Bus this unki yaadein...jo haseen sapne dikhaye,
Woh bitey pal apni khusbu failaye,
Koi to is deewane ki uljhan suljhaye,
Isey dekhkar asahay,
Naa jaane Rab bhi kyun muskuraye...

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. I wrote it at my school days; one can say it as a sudden paroxysm of worthy emotions. I don't know 'How I did it?' but definitely I liked it. I must say, some past memories became apparent today. It was the ultimate experience of my life.

26th January was reserved for Rang De Basanti...

Sandy at Anand Talkies

Aie Saala! My mind is buzzing with a melodious tune of a particular song. Once again…Aie Saala…plz plz plz…ek baar aur…thoda jor se…Aie Saala…Oh my God, just experienced a rhythmic visual treasure. First time in my life, this recognized patriotic day which is divulged as a Republic day of India was of some importance to me. It was my instant opinion after coming out of a theatre. I watched the two consecutive show of a particular movie. Believe me, it was an insane act but I did it. Reason was so simple; another Aamir Khan movie persuaded me to comply with a first time and a life time experience. His movies are in a habit to attract divergent intellects of differing personalities in an attempt to create a miracle with its ultimate creative scripts. This time it was to awake a youth from their cataleptic sleep in this self-interested world. I firmly believe that it was an honest effort made by some erudite personality to transmogrify the realm of modernity...that too…in a neat and precise manner. In my opinion, the sole aim was to reciprocate the efficacy of changing modern symptoms entrenched in a society with a rare ingredient of some harsh but true realities. A comparative initial effort was enough to impress a limited audience. I also believe that many will not digest this type of curtly innovation. Sorry for them but this movie revived my chore with a heavy load of constructive imperatives imbued in it. All these unwanted fuss may not fruition in a context, although, it can be a good topic for a time pass debate. So, I’ll just ignore it and convey the rarest of the rare experience of my life.

First day first show of any movie is an experience to remember but if it’s a cinema like Rang De Basanti…than…yahooooo…life is so good. What to say about this movie? A must watch movie for every prudent teenagers. My adventure initiated in a bed, I was sleeping in my kitchen bedroom, dreaming about my career considerations, suddenly I found someone knocking a door of my room and screaming...sandeep...sandeep. This time, it was my dear friend Neil. I had to drop them to Anand talkies due to unavailability of any means of conveyance at an early morning. They booked their tickets for a particular show. It was about 5:00 AM, myself with Neil and Sherin scudded to a theatre. I already booked my tickets for a first day second show; my sole object was to drop them to theatre and return back to hostel for fulfilling an another installment of a healthy sleep. We reached theatre at quarter past 5 and as usual my psycho mind took control of my senses. Therefore, I instantly decided to watch a morning show, as a result, borrowed some money at an early morning from Neil and buyed a ticket for that show. It was a very cool morning, I had my Shaul on; which gave me a Thakur look of sholay. Another bewildering scene,very less crowd that too for the Aamir Khan's movie. My mind was stunned, I started doubting my decision but subsequently got the news that a particular movie had been released in two theatres of Raipur. We equipped ourselves inbetween those comfortable sitting arrangement, limited crowd already denunciated the charm of a movie but I had a gut feeling that movie will surprise everybody. I was damn right...it was so innovative...for me it was a great movie.

Once again, Aamir Khan explored his performance and set another peak to endeavor for his admirers. Ohhh! I am sure that this particular movie shall reinvigorate a patriotic spirit of Indian youths. It was a fascinating experience for me, my psych impressed with a cinematography which compelled me to watch that movie again. So, enthrals reiterated but this time accompanied with some other friends. I enjoyed more in a second show, although, a bit of nostalgia creeped in after an interval of a second show. As a result, Kundan's shoulder(my colleague) became a perfect place for a twenty minutes sleep. Subsequently, had a relentless and flawless sleep in a home complimented with a qualitative home food, thereafter discussed various humorous scene with my brother and friends, sang Aie Saala several times and also ruminated over various inspiring dialogues of Rang De Basanti. I must say that this movie is a must watch movie. I simply loved it...ummm...complete entertainer. For me, movie was imbibed with a divergent rational and humorous dialogues. I remember a dialogue said by a trendy Khan of bollywood was "Jindagi mein do cheezein hoti hai...yaa to jindagi jaise chal rahi hai chalne do...yaa to jimmedaari uthao usey badalne ki".

Just returned from a marriage function...

Sandy in reception ceremony of a marriage

Recently, I had a fantastic time in Rajnandgaon while enjoying with my relatives in a marriage ceremony of my cousine brother. It was a marvelous family get together after a considerable time. My all brothers, sisters and elders had been assimilated themselves at a particular place and we had an awesome time together. It was a typical Marwari marriage with lot's of traditional functions. In our caste, marital procedures are imbued with lots of comedy ceremonies. Therefore, one can seriously enjoy just by observing those fuzzy processual aspects. Although, my sole aim was to enjoy life in midst of all those relatives. So, must say that our enjoyment was in it's sheer hype with an ever-astonishing effect. Moreover, I danced a lot and ate variety of tempting grilled products. This function revealed some more unknown relations to me. As a result, for me, it was a happening moment of my life. If anyone care to probe some snaps of a particular marriage function; I'll take you there... wait for few days.

A blistering and glorious dawn of my life…

Every morning brings a new dawn and some unknown opportunities. Is it true or not? I don’t know the proximity of truthfulness in above idea but I do believe in it. Can anyone believe that someone waited whole night in order to view a glittering sight of a morning dawn? We did it…it was a marvellous experience with an unbelievable view; a view which pacify your soul and instantly render an unexpected salvation of mind. What more one can ask for…if a particular sizzling effect entrenched in a first day of a year? Undoubtfully, a morning dawn of 1st January 2006 was an impressive and unforgettable view for Sandeep Agrawal, I saw the natural beauty in its sheer hype. Previously, those scenes were visualized only in wallpapers and screensavers of our desktops and laptops. I ruminated that God wanted us to show his architect skills; as he was willing to reciprocate something crucial…that too…in an astonishing manner. His object was to convey "Whatever one creates with human mind; however, impressive or innovative it may be, one cannot surpass or even meet with the prerogative of almighty." He is the supreme creator who has a regulatory remote control through which he checks a functioning of the Earth.

The fascinating adventure initiated at 31st evening. We made a coherent plan to celebrate a New Year in quite an innovative way. A plan which was comprised of some systematic organized thoughts…that too…by balancing some inevitable concerns. On 31st December, at night time, we rocked a temporary fabricated floor made for our disco party. Subsequently, when clock scudded over 12:00Am at night, all HNLU’ites became busy in giving warm wishes to their near and dear colleagues and other appropriate personalities. The altruistic hugs were felicitating in a dappering manner, many people were dancing, some were enjoying as an audience; it was quite a happening scene. An attempt made by every individual to welcome a new year in their own diligent and distinct way; the sole object was to revive their struggling chore by filling some joy and pleasure in it.

Blimey! We also planned to celebrate New Year eve in an adventurous manner. The plan was to isolate our presence in some distinct but interesting places. Our itinerary for a particular evening was preplanned and we achieved our endeavour in a satisfactory manner. Erstwhile, we were in hostel, thereafter had rapture in college…Ohh…still some rapaciousness can be probed in our face which apparently reveals about an unquenchable thirst persisting for little more amusement. Therefore, we began our journey for a rocking place divulged as KODAR DAM. I must say ‘we achieved a lot even though we aspired for little through a felicitous planning’.

We had a comprehensive plan in our mind and the only requirement was to follow it in a systematic way. So, eleven friends in their five bikes loaded their curiosity-oriented gun with a bullet of ever-exploring spirit and initiated their extravagant consistent soaring effort to reach that glorious destination. Our target was 60km away from us and we have to reach their within 2 hours in order to view a magnificent sight. It was a night time; and it looked like that silent roads were waiting for someone to surpass them, trees at each side of roads were hampered by a heavy wind emanating consistent flow of cool breeze, some trucks overloaded with variety of goods endeavouring to achieve their target but we were in our bikes, riding just for fun and with an intention to explore nature. It may look comedy to many persons but it was a paroxysm of pleasure for us. We were singing and sharing our experiences at the same time shivering due to a very low atmospheric temperature. At the end, after taking a break for our high tea at midnight, we reached that particular Dam. I wanna reveal that at this appropriate break ‘First time in my life; I gulped a litre of milk without any hesitation…that too…in a first attempt’. I don’t know the reason for such an unrequited act but it was an experience to remember. Now, we can see ourselves in a particular Dam; an apparent benighted roads with a detouring route but we have surmounted it happily. There was a pin drop silence, dusky darkness, crumpling sounds of crickets and impressive flow of turbulent water in front of us. For me, a lot of expedient fuss was involved in formation of these unforgettable moments.

We were so eager to welcome Sun in our own passionate way. We knew the imperative of its glow and shine; by which it can easily terminate the persisting stygian view. Our patience was intact and we were enjoying in some or the other way. Suddenly, my trendy friend Kr. Kundan Singh Rathore became active with his digi-camera. He was so busy with his power shots to capture those unique sceneries. I must say ‘He was the man in demand at that time’. Anumeh and Bunty Bhaiya also had a camera in their costly mobile phones. I was just watching those friends with such a luxurious instrument in their hand and prayed to God that…plz plz plz…I also wanna similar instrument. Hey, I am not a greedy guy…ok…but those cameras just attracted my attention. I know that God will definitely hear me and I will buy an excellent techno-camera with my own hard-earned money. A swarming amount of trashy thoughts were wriggling and shuffling in my sober mind, at the same time, nature buzzed with a morning light. Ohh…my God…a scene of my life…it looked like those turbulent water must have been kissing multi-layered clouds. It is ineffable to convey those ultimate feelings; a marvellous, magnificent, brilliant, awesome, unbelievable, amazing, fascinating sight was apparent in front of us. My mind was stunned with such a dazzling scene, completely lost in some other dream world, a world away from human self-interest and unwanted greed for material objects. In that world, I entered into a process where virtuous particles of pleasure and happiness were floating in my mind which purified my soul with rare natural insights. I must say that it was the best morning dawn of my life. Believe me, before this dawn, for past week or so, I was very sad, even than I pretended that everything is normal. Something was bothering me a lot, at that time; I preferred to live lonely and was just struggling for survival. A guy who is ever enthusiastic was in depression, world seems like gloomy and dull. Somehow, I reinvigorated those coyest spirits and tried to balance my chore with little bit of internal satisfaction. At such time, if one collapse with surfeit happiness…Believe me…it means a lot.

Furthermore, we went to the other side of a dam, a small island like place. It turned out to be an interesting place for us where we had enjoyed through tracking, swimming and as always…with our creepy comedian acts. Anurag(a rare dancer and friend) was so busy with all types of his characteristic comedy and Tyagi(my close friend) didn’t felt shy to elicit a very harsh comment on his acts. I, Bunty Bhaiya, Saif and my Big B was busy in making various poses in order to capture those moments in a camera. Thereafter we spent some time in some felicitous place; I was busy in scribbling an exhaustive graffiti on sand, some were doing sincere swimming and others had enjoyed by glaring those resplendent sights. Before it could have become tedious for us, we decided to return back with a heavy load of esteemed and astonishing memoirs. The crucial moments of a journey was captured in some worthy cameras and one of the picture of Mr. Anurag was very very very interesting. I’ll give full marks to a photographer; a photo which can create miracle in international photography competitions. If he’ll allow me, I’ll definitely send it to some qualitative competitions. My sixth sense reveals that it may become a central thrust for a dozens of competitions.

It was like an unexpected adventurous journey which emanated a cheerful display of ever-exploring twists. These memories will always emblazon in my mind and I’ll remember it as ‘immortal memories’. I have a small poster outside my kitchen bedroom which conveys that "HAPPY MOMENTS – So let’s hope today, life brings its best moments together, to give you a wonderful day, that’s indeed your best forever."

A tag of terrorist...ha ha ha

I love my long Hair

• My Grandfather said "You are looking like a terrorist...ha ha ha...I loved that animosity. I retorted 'If you scold me again and again than I will not hesitate to proceed with my rebellious character.' It was an antagonism against sobriety.
• My Father said "Gentleman, what you want to prove?"He ordered me to have a haircut but I had a courage for disagreement. So, he gave me another option, it was to maintain it properly.
• My Mother said "I'll make your ponytail". It was comedy for me but I enjoyed those precious moments with a small pony...sometime...so good.
• My Cousines said "We have another Dhoni in our country".
• My brother Nikhil irritate me by disturbing my set hair.
• My Big B helped me to straighten my hair.
• My other friends also give their stupid comments for my hair.

Let's see, till when, my long hair will last. I love my long hair because it gave me a look of terrorist. Ha Ha Ha...too good.

Technology renders feelings...

Shhhhockkkked...so be ready to probe it. Technology exemplifies modesty. Is it true or not? A swarming group of individuals may agree on this seldom proposition and it may be a curtly (rudely brief) observation for other orthodox perceptions. Although, I am not going to render an unnecessary exposition about significance of technology or comment on a paradigm of modern world. Therefore it’s a high time to commence with a central thrust of this particular post. Everyone is aware of mobile phones, an expedient gift of technical innovation to simplify and reinvigorate our means of communication. SMS is an apparent service used through this qualitative instrument. A worthy and precious gift for me; wait…wait…don’t ruin your temptation but persist with me for some more time. Definitely, an unnecessary fuss has been imbued in introduction, as a result, without wasting any more time; let’s initiate a unique vehement description. I am going to express about a miraculous relationship. Once again, destiny chose an appropriate personality with whom I can share anything in this world…that too…through SMS. Can anyone believe it? A person miles away from my native place but feelings felicitate in unexpected way. How can I believe so much in a new personality to such an extent…that too…in a world which is full of gaudiness. A faith…sorry…that was blind faith developed through an ever surging sedulous relationship.

I don’t remember the date; I entered in a vestibule of our hostel flat and was complying with a routine work. As usual, I was thinking something, at the same time, just changed my clothes and scudded towards my brother’s room to tell some stupid thing. I usually talk a lot in any fake topic to do time pass and may be at that time, looking forward for the same. I felt a twitchy vibration in my pocket; it derogated my attention from a relentless communication. Ohhh…I thought; it’s another forwarded spurious message from any of my friend. My perception was wrong that time; it was a forwarded message from an unknown number. I was eager to divulge the identity of that unknown personality. It took a minute or so to identify the whereabouts of that individual, as she was a girl friend of one of my very close inmate. Subsequently, another vibration, it was a humble question posed in a simple manner, ‘I don’t think that you will mind, if I continue sending messages in your cell’. Obviously, that is not an exact verbatim but was a sentence with a similar meaning. I replied in a diligent manner, ‘No’ I won’t’. A reason behind a particular sober reply was fetid, as her boy friend consistently asked me ‘whether I should accept her love proposal or not?’ As a result, I wanna evaluate her nature. My buddy will not agree with me, whether you believe me or not…my b…… n…..; but that was a specific reason. There after, many unstoppable conversations. Although, erstwhile mentioned was our initial conversation and from than onwards, we entered into many unexpected meaningful stratums by just extrapolating several topics. If someone asks me, why did you talk with her? I will enumerate with a straight-forward answer with an unambiguous reasoning, ‘I was communicating with her because I liked it at that particular moment.’ A person owing mobile may know, 'When we receive felicitous signals from an appropriate tower, we don’t face any network problem'; an apparent view to explain proximity of our relationship with a semblance of technicality in it. Hey, if not understood, leave it and seer for a following excitement.

I started communicating with her, throughout a day. We greeted each other from good morning to good night. We shared our experiences about many stupid and idiotic things. Loyalty was an unavoidable virtue acting as an unstoppable force behind our true friendship. Some small tiff due to dazzling strife was unavoidable, subsequently glorified with some comedy or tragedy, intoto, can be said as a happening friendship. How can I describe it with a trappings of English language? Any extra ordinary effort needed to invent a perfect epithet which may render an adequate meaning for describing such relationship. I named her crony and idiot dost and she used to call me dufous. I can just say that…those moments were too good. If you believe in God…plz do believe me…we just had a friendship in a purest form, no ulterior motive from my side. Sorry, if I’ll continue elaborating these facts than I have to write a book. Therefore detouring my sizzling expressing vehicle to some other veil facts.

Now, we had consistent healthy talks about any latent topics. We initiated our discussions with brief descriptions and inadvertently immigrate to some other topics and just enjoy our time. My first reaction was that she messaged me because she wanna reveal some hidden secrets or any such similar thing about his boy friend. Her boy friend is very close friend of mine. May be I was right or may not be; I cannot comprehend that surreptitious fact till now. Whatever may be her intention, we slowly but surely developed our relationship as special friends. My whole chore was transmogrified in a drastic manner and I wasted most of my energy in texting message. A time which should have been dedicated to some other tasks, at that time, texting became an inherent habit in my routine. Erstwhile, texting in cell phone was unnecessary burden for me. I cannot render an elaborate exposition of our conversation; we discussed lots of issues through that small miraculous instrument. Mostly, our conversation felicitated in a question-answer form; if either of us would not be satisfied with a reply, we had a liberty to retort in any stupid form. Furthermore, time to mention some unforgettable memories; I took her interview imbued with lots of unexpected and casual questions. This particular talk soared me at a pleasure world and some unknown surmised enthralls was in its sheer hype. It was an immortal memory entrenched with multi-faceted flaws; how can I forget it? Some ineffable feelings reciprocated in an unconventional manner, I liked it…it was too good. She also discussed her personal matters with me and ordered me to shower my suggestion or to guide her to reach any adequate solution. Even she doesn’t ask for my suggestion, I tried to become a head of chivalry and elicited an effective observation in accordance with my limited intellect…that too…free of cost. Ohhh…free of cost…Just kidding dost, a common phrase knocked my mind ‘lawyers don’t give their advice free of cost’, therefore cited it.

Above mentioned enumeration was a pompous initial description about an ever surging relationship. She became a special friend, I continued with many nebulous questionnaires. Before accepting her friendship proposal, I made a condition that ‘Plz…don’t have any expectation from me’. The reason behind a particular condition is that I stopped believing in any specimen in this world. I just try to be honest till an extent and at the end of a day ‘endeavor to be right at my place’. My view was ‘till circumstance demands, continue with this relationship and shall stop at an appropriate time’. I don’t want to hurt anybody…that too…intentionally. She accepted the only condition and we perpetuated our unconditional true friendship. As we were proceeding with this relationship, she got her love. I was so happy and excitement got doubled, as it was one of my close buddies. All things were going right but may be affecting my life, other way round. Moreover, my feelings can be rhapsodized in a lucid manner by citing some of a magical virtue. My chore assimilated with excitement, pleasure, satisfaction, fascination etc. Therefore, some extra brio was apparent in my other works also.

When every thing is going perfect, something definitely hinders our happiness…that too…in a ghastly, fiendish and gruesome manner. She got her love and was very excited about it. But for me, another thought knocked in my mind; one of my best friend (Anumeh) shared his logical experience with me and gave me a suggestion for life; it was ‘Beware! Never ever come in between any love birds’. An ambiguous phrase posed for pondering and serious rumination. He (Anumeh) faced a devastating consequence in a similar circumstance. Such was a case in front of me and I don’t ever want to be a horrendous culprit. I had never intervened in their matters but both became important for me. They both trust me; I don’t know a pragmatic reality, although I believe that they have faith in me. In my opinion, problems would be inevitable and I expressed my view that ‘I want to quit and I cannot give reason for it’. This thought was shaking my consciousness and I was dazed to take any effective decision. Ohh…Now, a person who always gave suggestions to many individuals was stifling in a bewildering situation…just confused. Another problem juxtaposed with other one, my idiot dost (SMS friend) asked me to give reason before quitting. My buddy (her boy friend) asked ‘What’s the problem?’ I was speechless. I thought termination of a particular relationship is a perfect option. It was even good for me and my academic work. Now, to support my decision, I wanna attach coherent accent in my reasoning by citing a Hindi phrase ‘Agar aadat sahin waqt pey nahin sudhari jaaye to woh jarurat ban jaati hai’. Its English translation is “If you do not rectify your habit at an appropriate time than that particular habit will become your necessity”. I firmly appreciate this intelligible rational and undoubtedly texting became my habit at that point of time. As a result, I proceeded with my decision.

I was eager to give happy ending to a particular occasion but concerned people took it otherwise. No one was able to mould the prevailing circumstance or proselytize a problem in a systematic organised manner. I was quite desperate to quit and preparing to wait for future tranquility. It was quite a difficult task for me, to loose a very special friend. It took a month or so to terminate this sacred and precious friendship. A pleasure world had been transformed in a world of glum and gloom. She awarded me with a tag of dishonest friend, betrayed many harsh comments and astrayed our friendship from rapture. Many individuals may denigrate my decision but according to my perception; it was an adequate resolution of some unknown future problems.

It was a fantastic season of my life. Now, time to mention the first sentence of my first post ‘Life is a multifaceted quandary’; a verbatim which explores some overloaded truths. Above emblazoned logical sentence is so true, one can never predict any future events. ‘Bye Bye’...ufff…I am sure that she hates that word. I used it so many times but again and again due to some or the other reason, I continued with our relationship. She persuaded me to persist with our friendship; but destiny demanded other way round. Hey Crony, if you read it, tell me ‘whether I am dishonest, mean or selfish personality?’ I wanna comment from you also, my sweet buddy. A true friendship demised but those memories cannot be eradicated, expunged, extirpated or extricated. Thank You Reliance Infocomm for rendering free SMS service ‘Maine to kar li duniya muthi mein’. If anyone who had a patience to read all those detailed trashes…Plz Plz Plz…drop your comment and suggest me…what to do know? Whether my decision was right or not? Tell me…if you can…time for elocution of my favourite forwarded message to end up a proceeding….it's a brilliant message…divulged as ‘Samet lo sitaron ko hatho mein apne, bahut dur dur tak raat hi raat hogi, musafir hoon main bhi musafir ho tum bhi, kabhie naa kabhie phir mulaqat hogi’.