First Stride Forward...

A decade back, I started my career as a practicing Advocate.

The feeling was good but in true sense, I never knew from where to and how to start the work.

I was ambitious since I ever remember myself and hence, had high hope from myself. I had a belief in my heart that I am special, and I will conquer the world by making very good name in the Profession very quickly. I used to think, like in college, people generally will be good and help me to absorb in the profession smoothly so that I can grow rapidly and earn a lot.

With enormous hope and hiding some pain inside me, I was ready for the adventure. I joined a very good lawyer’s office and kept on reading routine files but never knew what I must do next. When I can appear in the court or what am I expected to do in Advocate’s office. I asked the Senior humbly and other colleagues as well to which they responded courteously and rightly, but somewhere something was tingling me. Whether I am doing the task rightly or not? What’s the expectation from me?

In erstwhile life, I was judged through the marks obtained in examination which had clear guidelines on how to answer the questions. Many a times, when I was not knowing the correct answer, I wrote whatever I felt like with a hope that the examiner may find something worthy and render mercy. Such attempts worked at times.

However, in real life, without clear guidelines, answering the questions posed by life became difficult. My parents spent so much in my education and they were hopeful for returns as well. All kind of issues designed by my mind, created more pressure for me, as I stood somewhere in a bridge between theoretical and practical world.

Life without being judged through marks looked different to me.

Everyone out there in the legal industry where I worked had their own battles and they were busy in that and I thought once that no one bothered about me that I joined this profession to learn and grow quickly. Also had hidden desire to earn a lot and one day fulfill all the secret desires which were hidden in my heart. After all, I believed that I am special.   

There were lot of thoughts and emotions which persuaded me to push harder with more sincerity to make something extra ordinary to happen in life quickly but everything around was moving at its own pace. No one taught me things with individualistic focus.

I never knew when money for survival will start flowing my way. I was not hundred percent sure about doing things in a right way. I kept on observing things surrounding me and somehow learnt to complete the task without error. Somewhere around that time, I made a resolution to myself that “I will follow my instincts” and keep on trying without thinking much of results.

With that resolution, I’ve commenced with the biggest learning of my life i.e. self - learning i.e. taking decision for myself based on problems accessed by me.

I learnt that when there is no one around to take decision for you and you are burnt enough so that you keep all the lame excuses away and further decide that this is the time where you have to take responsibility to do good to yourself. My conscience said to me that I will follow my instincts, knowledge or whatever it takes to decide my future actions for my betterment.

This small stride towards something better is gaining experience and progress. That quality of taking decision for my good is EMPOWERMENT.

Since that day, some light pushes me to take decisions in life, when it is required.

First Encounter towards "I am"

The first lesson I learnt after joining Sri Siddha Sanmarga is discipline. Previously, it was missing badly in my life.

I remember the first meeting with Guruji and after participating in few meditation, thought “what’s this?”

It was THE surprise of my life.

Mesmerizing, it was.

I had only heard about the word meditation and knew nothing about it before attending the meditation workshop of Sri Siddha Sanmarga. After attending two days of workshop, felt life before was in so much darkness.

For me that two day workshop was shocker. Huh! I never knew that there existed so much knowledge and secret behind our existence.

Previously, I was imbued with so much ego and pride of my artificial journey. But, now, slowly the workshops of Sri Siddha Sanmarga and teachings of Guruji has transformed me extremely.

All unwanted stuffs beneath the outer shell of my body got repaired and cleaned through the divine blessing and healing of my beloved Guruji.

The overall experience is beyond my comprehension but it had deepen me and brought so many changes in various aspect of my life.

It improved immensely the way I approached life before. I got clarity towards purpose of life. I started using wisdom more rather than reacting to situations formed around me.

Nowadays, I tend to wait surreptitiously for an opportunity to close my eyes to dive into meditative state and get lost in silence to experience bliss. It is the most glorious state one can hold on to; temporarily away from murmuring of the world surrounding us.

However, it is slightly painful at times to come out of that state and open your eyes to face the world again. Although, feeling refreshed and revived with peace and as soon as mind gets active again, I immediately hope to get next opportunity to get lost in that silent state again to feel “I am” or our existence, as it is. Free from all restrictions.

Contemplations, Goals and Realisations...

One of my small write up about my experience in London, UK got published in my University's newsletter. Available @ page 5 in the link http://www.bppstudents.com/files/tinybrowser/society_newsletter_3rd_edition.pdf

Chasing Dreams...

Few days back, I used to spend a quiet time over a bench of beautiful garden near my apartment. Apart from scenic beauty, I found number of kids used to practise their stunts in skateboards.

Once, I remember a scrawny white boy trying a flip trick (action performed to rotate in air by pressing a tail of skate with a backfoot to get front wheels leave the ground first for the stunt). Unfortunately, he felt terribly in ground and found himself lying there for few moments. Around 8-9 of his peers watched him fall and started laughing and enjoying his downfall. When all his peers found him lying in the ground for more than 20-30 seconds, couple of them came forward for help and lifted him up but couldn’t yet control their laugh. They made a mockery of his attempt. Huh! I can’t forget the face of that little boy, it turned red instantly and he seemed very angry. Although, he was quiet and tried to bear all the fun made of him.

Next day, I saw that boy again but this time, along with a skateboard, he had a small bandage in his hand. He looked quiet and was not trying a flip trick with his skateboard, fearing that he may fall and would be a matter of laugh again. However, he was doing a simple smooth skate for the rest of the day and he followed same routine for few of the subsequent days as well.

After a week, I have found him coming a bit early to garden and practise alone, a fliptrick and I was stunned to see him fall numerous times trying to get right something. It seemed that he was passionate about doing some stunt which he had in his mind. Me being unsure of what he was doing, I just focused on other interesting things which were apparent to my eyes.

Moreover, just after an hour, his friends joined him and they were playing together joyously. Suddenly, I found him accelerating the speed of his skateboard and passing his friends with a buzz signalling that today he’ll do something more which is expected out of him. His friend increased their speed as well to give him competition. The said small competition amongst kids grabbed my eye ball for a while. The kid who had fallen before, had different sense of seriousness in his eyes today. As he wanted to prove something. He looked more careful, responsible and serious and than sooner the time came when I found him jumping in the air with his skateboard and rolling like a cyclone in the air and coming back to his skateboard again. I thought WOW.

Most of the people in the garden who watched it remained stunned for few moments. Thereafter, everyone applauded and appreciated him but he remained busy in skating unbothered for a while and kept on skating. Later on few of his peers came to him for his advice to help them in getting their moves right. During the conversation with his colleagues, his eyes sparked confidence, pride and deep satisfaction. I left these beautiful creatures and walked back home thinking -

Terrific – the challenge this little kid posed for himself, he has achieved it. Hmmm! this situation has a similarity with our lives as well. There are certain things which we really want to do from the core of our heart but we can’t do it because we’re not, may be, very good at it. Hence, we stop trying due to multitudinous surrounding fears. Most common ‘how he/they will think?’ and we compromise. Slowly it becomes our habit to compromise. Sad… Sad… Sad…

However, still there are few exists, who are really passionate about what they are doing and keep on following the direction suggested by their heart and battle out most hurdles in their way, head on, in a hope to chase something which they truly wants. They have a belief that they’re capable of reaching that part which their mind has perceived.Yes, I’ve seen their ways are not smooth and stable, and at times, really wierd which opens up a gate for loads of aspersions thrown over them. But, yes they keep on moving, moving ahead crossing various milestones in their way in order to achieve a target which their heart had setted for them.

These are some special genes who follows their heart and not their brain. As brain generally brings you mind blowing pay checks but a person who follows their heart and gets to the place which he believes he deserve, brings him a deep sense of satisfaction. I have seen that the eyes of such champions reflects the spark of their ambitions and they chase it passionately which makes them a class apart.

These people are least bothered about money but more concerned about winning each challenge which they poses for themselves and that give them immense pacification in their life.

Slowly, this habit dissolves in their personality and makes them really big.

I have observed this scenario in the case of Sachin Tendulkar and Ranbir Kapoor. They are so humble and grounded but their work talks for them. Salute… and they inspire me a lot…

Published at http://yourstoryclub.com/short-stories-social-moral/short-story-moral-following-heart/

Only Bad Mornings in Mumbai...

Office-Home-Office-Home-Office-Home ---) WEEKEND.

AGAIN - Office-Home-Office-Home-Office-Home…

This routine continues without any end here in MUMBAI, at least, for me.

I have to start my day really early due to ugly office timings.

Before I inhale fresh air in the morning, pressure dances at the background of my mind compelling me to get ready for office. There is no time whatsoever to think more than what is required to live a mechanical mediocre life here. They say - one has to be on their feet to cope up with the pace of the city, else, life collapses.

True, till certain extent, as I get ready quickly at morning and get out of my flat to catch auto in order to further catch train from station. I have observed that ego of Auto Driver here soars high during morning hours and to get opportunity to sit in their rickshaw render more happiness to me than salary day. After adjusting big bums in small seats of rickshaw, somehow I manage to reach Station. After reaching Station, I insert ear phones and switch on radio to hear my beloved RJ (.) and rush to platform finding way between uncontrollable caboodle of people.

To get entry in train here is more difficult than cracking interview for top tier job. How I manage it? One may never understand it unless they experience the same.

Actually, my parents ensured that I get quality education in good educational institutions throughout my student life, so that I’ll become civilized member of the society. But to my or may be (Society’s) misfortune, to get entry in train, I have to embrace my wildest instinct.

Once you are in, try to find stability in your posture and close your eyes. Otherwise, either you’ll break down or lose hope on humanity. Also, your eyes shall be compelled to see best ever bald oily heads and simultaneously someone will fornicate you. One doesn’t have any option but to passively tolerate it.

After all this onerous experience, if one reaches office and get diplomatic accolades for getting late. I don’t have words to retort against such aspersions.

Life’s tough but still a nice song in your radio station channel may help you forget and forgive everything but the same rhythm goes on and on…

Available at (This content is published at yourstoryclub.com)

I want to Breathe...

I want to kill myself. Give me a fresh life. Erase my memories. I need a painless heart.
Huh! Why I am thinking like this?
What was the shortcoming in my love? Am I too bad? You know I have given everything with best of my intention. Almost, sold my soul for someone’s happiness.
God! Control me, I want to live. Please grant me life.
It is paining a lot everyday in my heart but I’m forgiving everyone as you said. Put an end to it. Now, I don’t want to cry. Let me breathe smoothly.
I want to be myself again. Please grant me some more emotions, as already exhausted everything.
I don’t wanna stifle, give me more strength to fight and allow me to breathe.

Again I want to love myself... Plz...

Its enough for me...

I'll try to go very far where sound of prevailing DEVIL cannot reach.

At present, everything in my life is at stake. I need to do something imperative, very quickly.

Common, its time to show the varchaswa.

If not now than when?

If not me than who?

Bye Bye for unknown time.

If destiny will allow than again put my personal graffiti herein...

Unforgettable Memories...

Ball in the air, every eyes present in the field chasing the distance it inclined to cover. More than half of the players were certain that ball will cross the frivolously designed boundary rope but Sandeep hoped otherwise. Unfortunately like always, Sandeep was again too optimistic in his expectations. As ball crossed the boundary line, it was apparent that the result was not in favour of Sandeep’s team.

Before that with long run up Sandeep dared enough to experiment with the last delivery of the match. It was loopy slow full toss inviting eventful smash from batsman. Scenario was 5 runs needed in last ball and Sudeep stroked the monstrous six in the limited over casual cricket match, regularly played by certain teenagers for amusement in small uneven ground of Tagore Nagar.

Sudeep raised his bat with cushy smile and plodded slowly towards Bunti Bhaiya to celebrate their win. Like passionate lovers they hugged each other to elevate the quantum of their excitement.

Moreover, Sandeep with loose shoulder, glaring towards his shoes soon reached near stumps and kicked it with frustration to wipe out its presence from that rough pitch.

“Why my efforts do not emanate fruitful results?” Sandeep shared his view with Bunti Bhaiya in toned voice.

“Don’t worry Sandeep; you are too sensitive to accept realities. It was just a game. Result changes with time and space,” yelled Bunti Bhaiya endeavouring to ease out the matter. His normal suggestions are also injected with rational content, in fact very difficult to ignore. Automatically, it needed to be followed in order to avoid twitchy tensions.

Thereafter, with cricketing gadgets in hand Sandeep and Sudeep with Bunti Bhaiya scudded back to their home. Others also went to their respective destination through different way.

Sudeep was calm and quite but Sandeep consistently investigated Bunti Bhaiya’s thought on various other subjects. Sudeep like a mute spectator kept on walking without giving due importance to our chirpy talks.

“Totally, his actions are governed by his mood,” Sandeep pondered while observing Sudeep.

Soon they reached home. After tasting some delectable edibles, Sandeep rang up Bunti Bhaiya to update his plans for the coming night.

“Hello, I am tensed for tomorrow. What kind of question may come? Done with Mathematics and Analytical Reasoning part, still more attention needed to be given for General Knowledge,” shared Sandeep with rapid speed in his elocution.

“Hmmmm – don’t worry, everything will be alright,” said Bunti Bhaiya.

“What should I do? Can I leave general knowledge part? No, I’m just revising what we studied till yesterday. That’s it,” Sandeep answered his own question herein. Hard to stop him when he expresses his feelings, Bunti Bhaiya knew it better than anybody. So, he also learnt to improvise situations perfectly in accordance with Sandeep’s nature.

“Ohhh! By the way, what’s Radha Ji doing?” said Bunti Bhaiya. With stunned ennui, Sandeep understood that Bunti Bhaiya, through his wit compelling him to transform his mood. Very easy for Sandeep to do it, as people like him can’t pressurize their mind too much.

History behind Radha Ji is enthralling. During 10+2 days, when Sandeep’s joint family sleep at night time, he used to jump from his balcony and find his way surreptitiously till he climb up to Bunti Bhaiya’s house. Central thrust of such thief kind of escapism is to learn mathematics in order to get passing marks in final examination. Bunti Bhaiya than was a mining engineer and very intelligent gentleman, being seven years elder to Sandeep.

Unfortunately, studies take time to initiate when best friends sit together. Although, Bunti Bhaiya was Sandeep’s teacher here but they shared incredible flawless tuning between them. That commencing mathematics in his cool room with computer at desk was quite a task. As a result, Sandeep always surge his intellectual capacity to elicit idea which may add some new enthralling flavour in their memories.

His eye catches landline telephone. Wow, his instinctive response, eyes got widened taking shape of button. Sandeep went near the phone and managed to play with its frizzy wires. Later, he felicitated his uneasiness by carefully rotating each of its tangible part.

“Wrong Number,” said Sandeep. It was enough for Bunti Bhaiya to divulge the frantic idea of his younger friend.

“Worth trying, but which number,” shuffled Bunti Bhaiya. Given Indication was enough to reciprocate that permission being granted to Sandeep for beginning extreme mischief at mid-night.

Soon Sandeep dialed unknown number by quickly pressing certain numbers through his whims. Ring tuned and he went attentive.

“Hello, May I talk to Radha Ji?” astonishingly said by Sandeep.

“To whom you want to talk,” sweet girlish voice came from other end.

“I want to talk with Radha Ji but no matters can chat with you also. No worries at all.” Soberly Sandeep presented his point. Suddenly, contrite thought emerged in Sandeep’s mind and he disconnected line with fear.

Sandeep shared his experience with Bunti Bhaiya who was sitting beside him. They laughed madly and suddenly their phone ring interrupted their merriment. Both saw each other with disappointment.

Sandeep indicated Bunti Bhaiya to pick phone by twisting his eyes. Otherwise in down stairs Bunti Bhaiya’s parent may know about the incident. With brevity, Bunti Bhaiya picked up the phone.

“Fucking idiots, tell me your residence. Don’t have manners. I’m a big bureaucrat of the city. I know how to deal with bloody rapscallion like you,” firm male voice accosted from other end of unknown person.

Sandeep disconnected the phone with scary heart. First time, he felt short of words, difficult for him to face Bunti Bhaiya.

“Don’t worry, we’ll tackle the situation” whispered Bunti Bhaiya.

Again ring buzzed our psyche. Instantaneously, Bunti Bhaiya picked up the phone and regretted for the said mistake in a bold manner.

“Mistake happens by human being only, chill out uncle, next time it will not happen. I’m giving you surety. Try to understand and discard the matter herein only,” said Bunti Bhaiya humbly.

“Caller ID” enfeebled response of Sandeep.

“Ha ha ha, don’t take tension buddy,” said Bunti Bhaiya. He has this canny behaviour to evaluate Sandeep’s feeling at times of silence. It amazes Sandeep and soar his love for this unmatchable friend. Some more call came but ignored by Bunti Bhaiya.

Sandeep slept subsequent to the event and returned back to his home in early morning. Passion for study elapsed and mood became awkward.

“Why the bloody tragedy occurs in my life?” said Sandeep to himself with sarcastic smile. Rotated his head towards sky and blinked one eye. Don’t know why but he confuse near by peoples with such kind of self-important activities.

Next day, they met each other. Bunti Bhaiya was quite. So, Sandeep tried to outburst the tranquility by saying Radha Ji. Thereafter, he laughed wildly.

Bunti Bhaiya was still calm, wiped glass of his specs with white handkerchief and told something which buried artificial happiness of Sandeep.

“Luckily, just saved from disaster,” said Bunti Bhaiya. He further explained that few people lodged complaint against him regarding event of last night to his father.

“My parents somehow tackled the situation, as those people had time to collect my address from telephone exchange and came to my home in order to search felon,” said Bunti Bhaiya.

“Bloody rascals, don’t have any other work,” scanty observation of Sandeep presented with responsible husk.

“God! Some people born with spare time,” indubitably Bunti Bhaiya elicited.

Sandeep couldn’t digest the expression and sneered like motor pump, accelerating the sound of laugh slowly and convincingly. Later, he felt guilty about his carelessness but consoled himself through another distinct self-made belief.

“Incidents like this add flavours in life, without which memory lane remains incomplete,” shrieked Sandeep to himself.

Such pompous belief helps Sandeep to forgive himself consistently and move ahead with non-extinguishable positive spirits.

Available at (This content is published at yourstoryclub.com)

Eye Gear...

Many things in life is done without any firm purpose, still one does such range of things because he love to do it. Searching reason behind such purposeless acts is effete and also its evaluation may never be deemed as process of wisdom. So, before extrapolating reasons lets reveal what actually I’m discussing? Which aimless action needed to be observed?

One may easily ascertain it by viewing above picture. Yup! Eye gears. I love it since my childhood. Never had enough money at that time to even think of buying classy glasses but miserly played a lot with costly goggles of my Papaji. May be this liking of mine I have inherited as a patrimony from my father. He at some point of time was eye wear fanatic. His collection of RayBan with many other international brands has always been something to cheer about for enthusiastic cheapskate like me.

Apart from comparing hereditary habits, slowly with age I automatically developed the liking for attractive eye wears. No rumination occurred anytime to determine reason behind such instinctive liking. Generally, variety of people has divergent reasons with them to wear goggles; but for me it is instant impulsive love.

What one can find out while examining the reasons?

Protection of eyes from harmful foreign particles, proper view, adding style et cetera is the justification people entrench in supporting their reason. Although, my perception of wearing it is different, totally an outcome of sheer immature childish behaviour locked behind rare egoistic charm of mine. Furthermore, not even for single moment before encrypting this post I thought – Why the hell I wear these eye gears? Just consistently did it for fun throughout my teenage.

Transition in age and intellect is apparent now but desire for better eye gears is growing consistently. Any resplendent piece automatically adds variety to my large collection of goggles. I have inherent habit of changing it on daily basis because rigidness of any format sucks charm from life.

Buying goggles is another passion and wearing them had become inevitable part of my chore. Moreover, I hate dissolving my pocket over branded ones, as it allows me to change them frequently and also save carefree spending. Must say, branded piece are damn costly and it only help those who wear it for purpose. Therefore, I spend on middle range.

Monstrous disadvantage of keeping eye gear is vulnerable thought of safety. Finding immediate shelter for it after usage is quite a torturous task. Such petty task irritates when we are in between other vital works. I usually hang it in my shirt as a result destroyed uncountable number of them in past few years. Believe me, really love to use them but hate to find its appropriate accommodation after usage.

One unintentional good which goggles do is it adds stupendous bright flavour in my photographs. Also, saves my tiny poor eyes from unnecessary exposure.

Generally it also initiates point for discussion when I hang out with friends. Now, slowly but surely it became significant trapping for strangers to identify me in absence of necessary indications.

Above mentioned was the brief exposition about my smooth experience regarding eye gears. I have habit of ending my posts with eye catchers at the end but surely it’s difficult to elicit something reasonable in this subject. As a result, personal comic belief can be showered below to emblazon the rhythm–

“For me, routine without eye gear is similar to getting ready after bath without any inner wear.”

My Star...

Twinkle twinkle little star. Why is it so far? Ufff…read it with rhythm naa. Please…

Huh! Huhhh! Huhhhhhhhhhh…

Yup…

Going to begin…

Lying down in rough concrete veranda with leg hanging above stairs, I kept on observing the beauty of moonless night. My eyes totally focused towards upside and probing the late night functioning of black silent sky. Few droplets of tear touched my ears by flowing sideway after initiating its uncertain journey from adjoining end of my eye lashes. Still eyes rolled enough to cover the major part of endless sky. Complimenting the situation with deteriorating emotional thoughts I pondered –

Why creator regularly covers the bright blue colour of sky with black velvety blanket? Immediate result of which is to bring darkness. Yeah! I know people usually depict it as night.

My empirical analysis intimate that night accelerates our emotive force. Being a night prowler, must say it’s a best time to scan our thoughts and actions completely. Central thrust of such self scanning help us to disinfect persisting viruses effectively. As a result, my endeavour for scanning commenced. It kept on checking for viruses in all possible drives of my thinking dimension.

Thereafter, shift took place in realm of thinking when I thought that why rule of nature is so certain and perfect in its implementation also. Why each of its design is incredible? Who is the mastermind behind such accurate decoration? Ruminating in range of such questions, my eyes stuck at one star. It shined like costly diamond which seemed similar to the one fixed in my sister’s ear ring.

After sometime, I adopted transition in my focus, surged my eye towards other many stars also. There were myriad of stars emblazoning with dim sparkling shine. Size varied but each of it carried sharp glow. Believe me, silver shiny contrast over dark background deepened the sobriety of neat gloomy sky.

Suddenly, unnecessary vibration occurred in my mindset because of which many thoughts overlapped at the same time. Stars, my parents, friends, dust, night et cetera intruded simultaneously which made me really uncomfortable. I closed my eyes in fear; allowing sweat to emerge from divergent part of my body.

Moreover, unworried about me, night kept on getting dark with its radical certainty. Under which quantum of devastating feelings consistently kept on soaring inside my heart. Now, whole vicinity around my eyes became wet and nose also emanated unneeded stock of dirty fluids. I didn’t want to cry, so tried hard to enclose my lips but some other mooning sound came out which made the ambience unhealthy.

Very low from heart, which I ignored to accept. Patiently, tried enough to adhere with some vulnerable pain inside. Suddenly, impulsive thought made me worry that one day I will die and everything will collapse smoothly. Impact of such demise may bring out temporary horrendous consequences for some but the world will continue to flourish with its certain and unchangeable rules.

Hey, some people say that death is a tragedy for living beings. Although, other speak that melody of life continues even after death in some other format. Few force us to believe in myth that after death people become stars. Mystery about death is not perfectly trustworthy. Still, if said proposition is true than my special mate, who became eligible to enter in different world might be present amongst the caboodle of such splendid stars.

So with company of tears imbued with glum of stygian I kept on searching my star. Ufff…

Never ever my mind can get rigid, so my thought process jumped to some other mechanical stratum. How foolish I can be? Searching life in stars, which according to my intellectual perception only knows how to blink?

Stars were too far from me but still I raised my hands up to capture it. Completely awkward posture, where stupidity seems apparent, but my hands flirted with my intellect to chase the impossible.

Obviously, I was sad and thinking really bad. Even I thought to leave everything around me and run hard where destiny takes me off towards new adventure. Just became obsessed with non changing hardships of my life.

Furthermore, unaware of such detouring thoughts my body posture became stagnant as sculpture. Really, I was unable to comprehend the demand of my hands which were waiting to grab some intangible things in the air. Suddenly, some beam of light in such darkness lit my hand like a tube-light. Both of my hands got covered with border of amazing silver ray; which stunned all my senses. I kept on gazing it lovingly by changing my head position in semi-circle direction. Don’t know why thereafter I stopped thinking crap and became happy. Thankfully, due to which all negative thoughts got terminated.

Salubrious smile accrued and inadvertently I started chewing the lower part of my lips. Blinked one eye pointing towards sky; where hope for good again enlivened in my heart. Allegations made by my father and special friend expunged from my mind; giving me a sigh of expedient relief.

Clean chit given from the appropriate authority was enough to console me of my stand. It relaxed me enormously. With cushy shake in veranda I sang my favourite song and wiped out my tears.

Returned to my bed and slept unconsciously. Stupid revelation is over but I continued missing someone…

Running Thought...

Donno why I want to run,
In order to chase the susceptibility of changing season,
Sweating hard under the hot Sun,
Now just hate to trust anyone,
Dedicating my fight for some noble concern,
May be known or unknown,
Everyone is equal human under my imagination,
As humanity needs incredible donation,
Elongate ambit of love in your heart for this generous mission,
This war don’t need any gun but can be explored with adorable fun,
Keeping this idea in my psyche – wanna run, run and run…

Miraculous Meeting...

Be with us always

Ambience of religious function was apparent in my vision; some known relatives were busy in extrapolating their silly conversations. Others got ready before hand with their latest wardrobes, using their brain in order to avoid conflicts relating to occupied bathrooms. Like passive pillow, I was lying down at the corner of one bed. Digging out my past and deeply ruminating about someone special. Suddenly one curtly known voice interrupted my thought process, this time it was my Mumma screaming at me. Sandeep get ready for Bhajans, she said. Somehow, I managed to cope with the exigent situation and availed my presence in the function at due time.

Hardly my presence would have made any difference for anyone in the function. But still for Mumma, it matters. First time in my life, I was looking forward for this religious evening. Stifling badly inside my heart, I tried to pretend that everything there was normal for me.

Must say, wound of the most ghastly event of my life was quite new at that stage. Somehow surmounted the unbearable pain incurred due to my brother’s demise. Death people used to call it but for me Bhaiya is always with us. Actually, just few months back, we together enjoyed our time by sharing some casual thought in the same bed and discussed what we’re going to wear for some similar sort of religious function. I started missing him badly just because twitchy thought of not seeing him again was bothering me. This time I again realized that life without him is clueless. As his presence always added extra brio in my personality, it gave me immense confidence and coherent security to present myself positively in any place.

All possible memories crept in at that short span of time. Whether it’s combing of hair or tucking of his shirt in hurry. Stylish walk or roguish glare with animosity, all his activities sizzled in my memory lane. Just everything, I was dying to see it again at that rumination period. Instantly hope enlivened in my heart that he’ll come now somehow and thereafter we’ll proceed together for this function. At such harsh times, dippy self-made instinctive dreams compel us to believe that some miracle is due to happen. We create our own self-made beliefs during such times and force God to make these wishes come true. Emotions surpass purity and become so amazing that our soul automatically soars with feeling of true love.

Keeping above exposition aside, must say that I reorganized my senses thereon to present myself strongly, although my mental status didn’t allowed me to do so. Now, surging and detouring my thinking in all possible dimensions, couldn’t prevent my tears to flow. With full determination I tried to restrain my tears but they found their own way smoothly. Stunned sense and tsunami of tears took me to the world of my own. Again and again I uttered same thing in my prayer to God that I want to meet my brother. Please! Allow me to be with him once. Madness in my pleading and sentimental sensation of my urge to meet my brother got very strong.Without even waiting for my breathing halts, with utmost dedication and warmth in my feelings, I found myself begging for my brother.

Could see many known faces in surrounding environment but at that time of sheer typical mooning, nothing diverted my mind to anywhere. Crying hard before destiny, with honest hope of our meeting, I pleaded continuously. Tears fled consistently, various faces gazing at me but insouciant about any other thought I was truly expecting that my God will allow us to meet today. My contention was if at all my faith is pure and prayers are honest than God you cannot cancel our meeting today.

All sat systematically to commence Bhajan, somehow someone helped me to accommodate in-between the arrangement. Unconsciously with support of wall, slowly I sat down amidst the caboodle of Lord Krishna’s follower. Vibrating with uneasiness, rubbing my back in wall, joining my fingers to make unwanted punch, I continued with my prayer. Don’t know why, even though I knew that it is impossible to happen, pleading for miraculous meeting continued. Stubborn coercive request initiated after some time where I left everything to almighty and started to take his name continuously till the occurrence of our meeting. Moreover, some questions provoked my heart in between to search for the answers of many unanswerable questions.

How can I put fire in the dead body of my brother?

Where is he?

Is there any life beyond life?

Why destiny designs death?

With flow of such bewildering questions; vehemently I restarted praising God, this time without any demand or expectation. I submitted my psyche therein and scudded to take the name of Krishna Bhagwan faster than my heart beats. For me, it was an extra-ordinary experience where no other thought can squeeze in-between to disturb my concentration towards divinity.

Closed wet eyes, anointing my teeth strongly to control fascination and folded fingers to assemble punch depicted that my soul convincingly focused on something vital. Central thrust of such vitality is beyond genuine human comprehension.

Slowly but surely, concentration accelerated with cushy conviction in order to form strong basis for my instinctive demand of meeting. Imbued with purity in feelings, I felicitated with my honest prayer. Unsure of time, sincerely I perpetuated my name repetition task of God without any halt in between.

Wow! Miracle happened. Unaware of my physical body, my soul reached its destination. All in that other world was resplendent. I was able to see everything which my feelings demanded. So, couldn’t restrain my salubrious smile when I met Bhaiya. He was wearing different primitive clothes and was looking more handsome than ever. We hardly used to talk with each other but this time I was unable to restrain my curiosity to ask him so many questions.

Believe me; my happiness soared when I digested his calm responses. Laughing and crying at the same time. He just folded me in his arms and cried lovingly. All there was royal and divine. His bed type instrument, white clothes, and flawless skin with sparkling eyes – all was looking just incredible. He made me sit beside him and I talked continuously. With lots of expression I kept asking him so many questions but he opened his mouth very carefully. His replies are to the point and imbued with lots of intelligible rational. Another incident after that again elevated my merriment.

I never expected this. Just it was beyond me. When Lord Krishna himself arrived there and appreciated the love in our brotherhood. He said – salute to those parents who gave birth to this pure love. Thereafter, he made us dance with him. For me, it was quite comedy to dance in very different kind of music. God has so much love in himself that he himself gave special priority to love than any other feelings. Ohh! How I can forget those delectable edibles. With little bit of shyness, I gulped some. Thanks God.

Again we spent some more time with each other. After sometime someone shaked my body and I lost my concentration. Feathers of peacock moved like pendulum intimating that Bye Bye time is near. Bhaiya at last consoled me by saying everything will be fine, just keep walking in the right path.

Fantastic meeting ended thereafter. Body became so light and pure that it is ineffable to convey what I felt at that point of time.

Must say, God also can’t ignore the pure feelings of human heart. He respect and appreciate it with utmost care. So, keep on increasing love in your hearts. Path of love is difficult and full of obstacles but that feeling of love only make you capable enough to cross that difficult route and make you reach at the unknown divine destination.

I just love the feeling of love. To prevent our self from bad intent of human brains, many a time, we restrict our feelings. No problem with that but one should be brave enough to keep that love and feelings alive where it needed to be.

For me now, life goes on and on with lots of human feelings. Variety of such feelings may surge and change its quantum with time and circumstances. But the most satisfactory feeling felt by human hearts of all time is love. As, it compels me to believe that –

“Love itself is a journey and also the destination of human life.”

Qubus...

Sandy in Qubus

How to squeeze myself out from exam time? Escapism is general attitude herein.

Presently I’m least bothered about my performance in exams but results may make us ruminate upon guilt streams at later point of time.

However, I reinvigorated my spirit to perform reasonably well within my limitation during exam time by keep justifying my thinking with thought that – life is beyond exams. So, keep on anticipating it in best possible verve and spirits.

Blimey! Call from relative who invited me in dance party. How rocking it can be to expunge the scanty insipidness herein? Dichotomy of bewildering thought shook my mind – whether to go or not?

My heart was saying no but automatically after sometime I found myself dancing in Qubus (new disc of our city) where the said unexpected party was organized. With few friends I started shaking my body in weird manner to eradicate the frustration of exams.

Movement became wild and happening when thought of examination crept therein. Innovation took place in our dance steps when hated professor was mocked upon. Impetus of such liveliness in our dance was frustration of exam. We rocked the floor in relentless manner till all our energy got decimated.

Unpredictability of life continues with such rocking merriment in its hue.

Although, still one paper remaining to pacify my mind from such creepy examination.

Scary Exams...

I'

I'm obsessed with exams

Give your best shot in finals. Best of luck and study well. Please, perform well in time when it matters the most.

So many good wishes can be divulged before exam times. Overwhelming responses in such crucial time always help me to motivate my spirits. But, working pattern here is still unchanged–

Every colleague of mine is busy in revealing syllabus, assimilating materials and scanning their class notes. These activities make me feel that exams are near but what scares me is quite a stupid thought. Central thrust of this particular muzzy thought is I remain in tension because I’m not getting tension for my exams.

Uffff! Stunning thought but I really waste my vital time during exams. All idiotic work gain priority in my routine to escape study. Sleeping time elevate in order to relax my mind, I take more time than usual in doing all my routine works, twitchy tension also accrue in background of my mind which irritates me badly. Somehow, till last night before exam I manage this shaky mindset. As always I try to study but self made impediments constantly derogate me from my academic grants.

Last night is the night which matters the most for me. All anomaly of mind eradicates and I keep on struggling to complete some part of syllabus. Must say, history of my academic life reveals that I’m unable to complete full syllabus of any subject till date so question of revision never arises herein. I stifle a lot in my own way to surpass these bothering examinations. I hate it so much.

Struggle for getting appreciable grade continues. Work efficiency also felicitating as stagnant as before. As a result, approach for survivalism rocks on as always.

Do feel guilty at times but somehow I justify my stand to my heart. After all, life is beyond such examination. I love myself in whatsoever situation that keeps my confidence alive. Really difficult time and writing this post in order to keep myself busy in work which is more happening than exams. Yeah! difficult to digest above craps, so Bye Bye.

Just Shut Up...

Law of contract is very crucial subject in this modern era. Every secure transaction is done by entering into agreements. Each agreement comprise of terms and conditions. Sole reason for fostering such type of business management is to evade future problems.

Don’t be scared, this post will not emanate any technical concept of the subject. My endeavour to reveal about contract law is something else; very comedy in hue, as sometime back I intended to built one friendship on the basis of agreement.

Few months back, somehow I engaged myself in chatting with one girl. I knew that girl before hand but we never ever talked like we do it now. Some cogent purpose compelled us to interchange thoughts. Believe me; originality pays you in long facets of life because I shared my natural witty behaviour with her in that limited conversation. Within that short span of time, our hilarious happening instinct was enough to extrapolate topics for our further talks. It’s incredible to share feelings with a person of similar characteristics, so somehow elongated the horizon of our discussion in polished language replete with lots of original opinions. Casually unconcerned about the status of our relationship, we discussed on so many subjects that it was enough to form a broad opinion about each other. Later on, hysteric emblazonment of our minds made us feel that we became awesome friends.

When we care for someone, detouring fear and unexpected expectations automatically creeps in. I proposed her to enter into an agreement for typical friendship in very cheeky manner. Her response was obvious; she was stunned and scolded me that release pressure from your mind by thinking in such trashy dimension. It made me realize how foolish I can be at times. She respected my innocent expression which refilled my subsequent responses with exuberant brio and enthusiasm. Whole contract law expunged from my mind and she taught me friendship should be unconditional. If you impose conditions in friendship than mere status and caliber of relation becomes blurred.

First time I thought, wow how convincingly she changed the mindset of stubborn fellow who always followed some self-made beliefs of his heart. Yup, every relation should be freed from impediments for adequate outcomes. Very simple thought it was but expressed at suitable timing to become special.

Seriously, I found many of my lost capabilities of my childhood while communicating with her. Again, life started taking new shape in some unrecognized stratums, where only originality and purity prevailed. We recuperated ourselves from formal canons of expression; lost inherent hilarious capabilities of our nature refreshed their realms inside us again.

After divulging the intellectual dimension of each other, it can be emanated that destiny designed us in each other’s way in such a novel manner because we managed to have many similar qualities. For me, basic skills and verve of both of us are so accurate that it can be called as ‘same’.

With so many similarities, we were striding with conviction in unknown way. Lost laughing capabilities was found, when we chatted and our hilarious humour blow us off consistently. I laughed so much that it was sheer rapture at times. Ethereal feelings continued scanning the heart to express any rare thoughts, although we always tried to laminate it with delightful sobriety. Now, differences can be talked upon. Differences were present, not in our basic characteristics or nature but in the way we behaved.

I always expressed my heart out but she restricted her feelings for some reason. I hated and denigrated it but it continued for probable time. Sometimes I felt that whether I’m intervening too much in her life; although her placid responses and her past made me cooperate at times. She behaved so girlish type that I just can’t stop my wild laughs at occasion. As we shared so many similarities, we had similar bewailing ego problems. I was cent percent sure that it will bother us extremely at sometime in our relation.

Wriggling twists of our life made us meet at a time, when a worst tragedy in both of our life was quite fresh. Even we ignore, somewhere in our heart we didn’t had any expectation from our life at that particular moment when we met in internet. Overwhelming response of her really attracted my attention. Although at that time, we were just living for the sake of it, so proximity of pain also found similarity in our pleasant itinerary.

Thereafter, inevitable accrued in my heart. I started admiring her so much that couldn’t think beyond her. Without any fear in mind, I’ll express myself herein now. When we involve our mind in any subject, with time and interest, we initiate delving rare insights to entail our knowledge therein. Same happened to me, I thought so much about her so somehow commenced praising her in my heart. Every reaction of her I started liking. I loved her intoxicating eyes which deserve a separate post in my blog. Those miraculous eyes made me mad, whether its stylish blinking or stupendous shine, every movement of it calmed my senses and claimed appreciation of praise. Totally small in size but it communicates. Impetus of its glow extend when it is complimented with joyful cushy smile. I just love the husk of her voice, although very rarely I got the opportunity to listen it but her voice also just blow me off. Moreover, I think she also observed me consistently but hesitate in expressing it. It suited her personality also, as she is beautiful and sober kinda bomb who explodes rarely to emanate happiness for others. Must say; a very determined and passionate individual to secure the sanctity of every relations in her life. Best thing about her is she lives relation rather than performing it as a part of responsibility. A suave innocent personality who is really comedy in many of her instantaneous instincts. Every baggy movement of her made me cherish her eternal beauty. Honestly, no ulterior motives at all than also could not restrict these endearing gloss to praise my adorable sweetheart friend.

Five crucial months has been surpassed but irony of charm in this relation can't be enfeebled so soon. I’ll miss her salubrious smile and exhilarating responses forever.

Yeah, I miss it because she said today that she hates me so much. Bye forever she said to me. We had another happening fight today. Something allowed tsunami to occur inside my heart. Even with that gloomy pain, I tried to reconcile but she said with lots of conviction that don’t bother me in my life again. When she gets angry, her response gets fatal which shakes my nervous energy. For me, my stand was so obvious and correct that such feeling is ridiculous to feel. My self-esteem is bothering me so much that can’t talk with her now. She takes me for granted at many circumstances which I hate it. Many a times, fault was mine but I never admitted it but she also does the same. No harmony was probed even for a single time in dismembering our faults during fights. Donno whoz to be found guilty herein?

She has different priorities and aspirations in her life. I’m still unsure about my priorities, juzz wanna squeeze somewhere with loads of prosperity. My best wishes are secured for all her future endeavours and I’ll try to keep myself away from her.

Shut up I used to call her.

Now, if you get here – Just shut up.

How much you hurt me? I’m getting lost forever…ohk…My delicate feelings became more brittle and ready to be broken. Come and crash it as you do it always. You fighter, I really miss your huge range of Hindi slangs throughout my life.

For you –

“God knocks our door once with the opportunity, if you show your laziness in doing the needful. Your neighbour will enjoy the benefit. Comedy observation of mine but yeah timing matters in life.”

Who loves you?

Who loves you?

Who?

Why I’m asking this question?

Whom I’m asking?

What is the probable answer to it?

Why I need this answer?

Absolutely unsure about it. Still wanna express whatever I feel because this is my place of expression.

Love – heard that it cannot be purchased; also divulged about its unpredictability in one’s life. May be, never felt it in concrete manner. Still insouciant about the ingredients imbibed therein. Moreover, people say it happens suddenly. Before your senses realize its presence, you become crazy and mad.

Hey, plz...

People don’t think that I’m talking about love for parents or relatives…ohk…it may be bewildering mind set of some people when they find me writing about love. So, plz…

Can’t describe much about love but will convey my feelings herein.

For me, at benign time of my adolescence love was a foolish epithet which creates problems for every teenager. Dats it.

Never tried to comprehend the insights of what love is? But can say I loved to watch good love stories of Bollywood. A pleasure oriented treasure it is. May be I was brought up in such environment where I always restricted myself to think about all these issues.

Believe me, its enough of back ground introduction to intimate what I wanted to explore. Few months back, I commenced communicating with one gal. It was unexpected and sudden. How it happened? I donno but it happened. We indulged ourselves in many casual talks on vividly happening topics. We extrapolated the realm of expression with many vibrant issues. Range of issues surges from humor to sensible communication. Slowly but surely our tuning became so happening that we became very very close friends; such with whom one can share their sensitive emotion and wild wit. We started feeling each others feeling in the same manner as we felt in the particular situation. Understanding elevated, feelings soared and friendship too elongated its ambit with short span of time. Thereafter, we became inevitable part of each others chore.

I never talked with her in person. Reason is quite stupid that I’m a big duffer of all time. Donno, my voice takes so much time to come out when I see her that timing mismatches. I feel so uncomfortable that my heart get stunned and mind sweats; so it’s better to be silent than to screw my own image before my another special friend. Although, by meagre default also I never miss any opportunity to see her.

It never suits my personality that I do such type of silly things. Still my psyche compels me to do so. Huh! Something derogating me somewhere which I myself donno.

Still the stature of friendship is alive in our relation which keeps us going in many untapped stratums. Since past few months, I can’t think beyond her in any facet of my life. First time, any eyes mesmerized me to such an extent that I lost myself. My vision always waits for those special blinking of her eyes which replicate confirmation of one secret thing in our friendship. When I see her all my tension diminishes, heart shivers and my mind seers for one different type of dream.

What type of dream is this? Didn’t give much pressure on my mind to ruminate in that dimension but still desperately and passionately chasing something to happen.

It requires two hands for adequate clapping. So, I’m not the only culprit for sure. This ever-glowing friendship is flawless till now and its itinerary replete with miraculous thud for sure. Blimey! May be its flavour is still unrecognized through our formal expression.

Most vital part is we both tried to limit the horizon of this relation through many unsuccessful attempts. We indulged ourselves in divergent tiffs and detouring tussles each and every day. Fights we call it. Badly we fought which made us bother grievously. It spoiled our exams and many related endeavours also. More we fight, deeper and wider our feelings grew for each other. Every fight was so serious because each time it seems that we lost each other. Issues in our fights are so nebulous that we forget the issue but still fight felicitate unbound and high. Admiring part of this special relation is our fights only which made us miss each other so much.

Must say, only eyes till date which attracted my attention.

Donno where this friendship is taking us but we are enjoying it so much. As we share so many similarities in nature, thinking, life-style and so on.

Shut up – she always used to say me so shutting my brief observation herein. Miss you shut up.

Hope, many more fights to come with more durable reciprocity. We both believe in destiny and its designs. This friendship occurred because she says –

“People having similar circumstances, grievances and conviction automatically come closer to each other.”

Happy Birthday Bhaiya...

Last Photograph!!!

Many things can’t be thought in isolation - as Acting and Amitabh, Rain and Rainbow, Sachin and Cricket, Needle and Thread, Heart and Feelings etc. Really, several pairs are made for each other. They compliment each other to reach certain cherished targets. Elsewhere their beauty and efficacy diminishes; if such are dismembered from its adjoining relation. Believe me; potential of such single member of the pair emanates incomplete results when used in separate or distinct routes. Just because they are made for each other. Therefore, destiny designed many things in pair to explore the vitality and rhythm of their tasks. Likewise, some years before, inevitable happened in our family. It was the beginning of unbelievable journey for us.

Yaa…us…wait to divulge it.

One magnificent couple (my parents) gifted with another marvelous pair (Sudeep and Sandeep) which brought loads of happiness for them. Although, in both of the above mentioned couples, age difference was same between them but proximity of relationship with each other differed. Former magnificent one is husband-wife and latter were brothers. Both couples were happening and entailing the ambit of their happiness by increasing the scope of prosperity and tranquility in their lives.

Still want to reveal the formation of Sudeep and Sandeep (Incredible Brothers of their times). In October 2, 1984 when India was celebrating the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi (Father of Nation); my grand-parents at home expecting their first grand son. Just next day after the birthday of Gandhiji, there born my lovely brother Sudeep. After one year and nine days, to be more concrete at 12th October 1985 (Just one day after the birthday of Amitabh Bachchan) joined by his brother Sandeep. Our itinerary commenced thereon. According to my limited memory, can’t refresh the single incident when this name was taken in isolation. By the way, I used to call him Bhaiya after recognizing the sensibility of my senses.

Oh my God! If I’ll try to serve the various juicy moments of our life than have to publish a book on it. So, try to restrict my elocution to highlighted spheres only. There never came ‘I’ in our relationship; we solely aspired for ’we’ in our journey. I always believed that life is a journey not a destination. As a direct and immediate result of it, stored divergent immortal memories locked in my soul. We were very naughty since our childhood…very very naughty…in strict sense. Such feeble and funny naughtiness was always appreciated and admired by all, as it was clothed with unimaginable love, sobriety and innocence. It would be great to strike herein with some of those ever-surging virtuous thuds which may also reveal the closeness of our hearts and feelings for each other.

Commencing the brief exposition of many wierd and creepy acts done by us; directly dil se. In our childhood, many a times, we locked our tution teacher in the study room and went for enthralling plays. We loved playing and enjoying, keeping studies as our last priority. We played many games ranging from flying kites, fabricated fights, video-games, football, cricket etc. Sometimes we also created new games to keep our creativity alive. He he he…Shouting at top of our voice to bug anyone, amicable enjoyment in rain, Herculean stupidity while hanging in tress etc. which are missed by me a lot. But point which I wanna emblazon here is – we were always together.

Fights are too good when done in childhood. Huh! Here our tussles and tiffs ranged from dresses to toys, from remote of TV to batting position in our cricket team. Although, it get rectified within short span of time that too automatically.

Bhaiya was very stubborn, egoistic and intelligent since his childhood. It’s a monstrous task to make him speak of his feelings. Mumma understood him more than anyone. Opposite to his qualities, I was chatter box, non-egoistic, non-intelligent, comedy and emotional. Everyone understood me I think so except myself. We had black and white differences in our nature but we always respected each other. Respecting of differences also create awesome relationships many a times. Our silence talked and facial expression conveyed us about our needs. He always gets right about my needs. Hardly, at any point of time we need trapping of any language to share our feelings. We always communicated without words

Yaaah! there persisted the rare combination of animadvert life styles and attitude between us. Although, when used together it surmounted many predicaments; creating many pleasurable moments. We filled lacunae’s of our personalities by helping each other in need. It consistently elevated our social standards and people started to recognize us as one soul (which is true in real sense; at least now). Moreover, central thrust in this phase also was – we were always together.

Basically, in my limited purview, real brothers of similar age don’t have the same friends or working nertwork but we altogether had common friends and same working spheres.

Really, I’ll miss something substantial if not mention the time spent together in our maternal home. Sincerely, we rocked there and accomplished the new realm of fun n masti. Due to this, we’re very close to all our cousines from maternal side. Whether it was stories of ghost or untidy swimming in tanks and pool; such memories can’t be eradicated from my mindset till the last tik-tik of my life. We use our creativity in elongating the realm of rapture and fun by bothering everyone around us. Time to mention few names who was part therein. Our team (Bhaiya, Mintu, Ruchi, Ankita, Chanchal, Appu, Chinki, Munna Bhai, Nitish Bhaiya, Golu Didi and all) designed many immortal memories therein. Locking people in bathrooms, irritating servants, mid-night chattings, game of hide n seek, betting on carrom, playing cards, bluffing trashes to generate money for our royal life style’s, outings for snacks (ranging from aaloo mangodi to icy masala cold-drinks). Uffff! How to forget them? We did every possible fun we could have done there. Those luna (old moped) days were good than of cars. Choupati visit with sisters in Priya Scooter (oldest model I’ve seen) were experience to remember. Altogether, unimaginable fun.

Immense faith and well wishes glorified the rhythmic feelings inside the strings of our heart with passionate love, dedicated commitments and incredible warmth in our relationships.

Keeping childish activities apart, we’ve again got another admirable thing to dedicate our lives for. It was sport revealed as CRICKET. We loved, admired and altogether lived cricket. The only thing at that stage our heart can think about. We devoted a considerable time for this mind-blowing sport. After the completion of our adolescence, we spent eight-ten hours of a day in our daily chore for this game. As Bhaiya was natural talent, his performance was suddenly recognized and appreciated but it took considerable time for me to establish myself as a good player. My determination, dedication and love for the game helped me to gain efficient skills within short span of time. We delivered in all our teams as the elite members ranging from school, colony, regional level, college and everywhere we played it. Obviously, Bhaiya was awesome but I also contributed within my limitation. His bowling was as fast as trigger and action was as awkward as one can foresee. A very aggressive player known because of his mind buckling sixes and serious fast bowling. Really, his attitude and consistent performance was unmatchable which always surprised the oppositions. My Big B was the silent bomb who exploded to serve the delightful sights for many when he was in his best of form. I really miss those golden facets of our life. As he always given me undeserving opportunities to increase my confidence level in the field. I love you brother for always believing in me. Our role model was Sachin Tendulkar. Here also - we were always together.

Life went brutal after our (10 + 2) days. Societal inclination compelled us to think for future endeavours. Believe me, it was forced emotion for us to think for future, as we always believed in sucking happiness from each moment of life. Yeah! Kal Ho Na Ho movie was treasure for us. He he he. Papaji admitted Bhaiya in some college of Bangalore. I was preparing for entrance exam of some law college, tell you one secret, it was a fake attempt from my part to evade science stream. After one month of Bangalore, Bhaiya came back to home for Diwali celebrations. I remember that day so well, his train was in morning and I was waiting whole night to see the morning dawn of that day in order to reach station at time. Believe me, unbearable night for me; many times my patience frustrated my will. Although, I prospered to escape from my sleep. It was our first separation for one month. After seeing him, I felt how vital a big brother is. Whole month I spent as a person with dead senses, without expressing any feelings to anyone but somewhere I missed him badly. Again we were together after miserable halts and sorely bad time.

Later on, destiny designed the common education for us. Delectable study of law it is this time, totally unaware about the field but entered herein after clearing competitive exam. Competitive exams were matter of mock for us before clearing it, now I’ll not denigrate because it may diminish our competency. Huh! Somehow we reached here but very tensed thereafter to cope with professional education. As for us, life was more than education always. No more fussiness, we managed it extremely well by balancing studies with enjoyment. Academics went ok…all right type…and slowly but surely people appreciated our qualities to elicit special treatment for us many a time. Most importantly here also – we were always together.

Bhaiya always said that I don’t want to study law. Donno, what was in his mind but he always said so. Our college life was so resplendent in hue that it would include lots of fuss and fuzz herein for me to express. So, won’t mention much here about our college life. But we were still together in this phase of life also.

Overwhelming academic atmosphere is bad. So, we used to manage many small adventurous trips to near by tourist spots inbetween our study time which reinvigorated our psyche from hectic schedule of academic life. In college - economic crisis, scarcity of time and many other related issues always forced us to create short and sweet plans. Plans comprised of speedier excitement.

Glut of regret for not evaluating the speed therein.

Huh!

Now, lilbit metaphorical comparison with cricket and our life. Test cricket is the most compact cricketing format. There exist two innings. Both innings are vital from results point of view. Longest game ever made in this era. Game is incredibly unpredictable, intoto, full of emotions and thrills. One has to perform well always to get winning results. But it is not true that every day is a good day. Talented batsman also cannot show consistent performance in bad day.

Same happened to us. We played the memorable innings of our life till 3rd October 2006. Our score of life till that moment was good and healthy. There we ended the twenty-one year partnership.

Still, can seer hope for performing well to reach at winning end? We commenced our second inning with astonishing sight of our life in 4th October 2006.

Believe me, lots of hope and adventure is in store, when Tendulkar is batting to reach Herculean target. Every prayer is imbued with positive energy and attitude. In bad day, master-blaster can also ruin his performance. Very disappointing it is when player like him meet with accident of run out that too in first over. No substitute for such tragedy but team wins many a times without super heroes.

Same circumstances became apparent here in our life, Bhaiya, very important player of our team got run out in first day of the second innings of our life. Believe me, his physical absenteeism demoralized the team but we’ll win bhaiya.

We’ll win.

Promise, I’ll revive my grit and skill again and again that you’ll be proud of me someday. Definitely, you changed your permanent location of living or whatever it may be but you’ll always remain as a precious part of our hearts.

Happy Birthday Bhaiya. Missing you so much. Now, I celebrate any birthdays of our second innings after we’ll win. Promise, I’ll try very hard to win.

Physically we are absent now but acquisition of souls had been stylishly done by creator of mankind. Emblazoning advancement herein is still that we are together for always and always. Merging of capabilities has already been done and it would be impossible to separate us herein forth. He never liked cell phones but still his instrument makes me remember the following enlightening lines –

“Dur hai aap se to kuch gam nahin, dur rehkar bhi bhulne waale hum nahin, mulaqaat naa ho paye to kya hua, aapki yaad mulaqat se kam nahi”

Castle of Horror...

Some questions my soul asked from destiny.

How one can feel if his dreams get destroyed before commencing its journey?

Has anyone seen the collapsing ceremony of his home before being built up?

What’s the remedy if person is punished for entailing the ambit of honesty in his soul?

Can someone feel without the heart? Why I shouldn’t stifle when you’ve taken the part of my heart?

You gave me lots of reason to cry but not a single shoulder to stabilize my senses. Why I only have to find a separate place to flow my tears?

Why you are stabbing in my wound again and again?

Why me? Why me?

So many questions…so many…some mentioned here and some remained unmentioned. Idiotic questions in my previous (first innings) perceptions; or may be result of unimagined and unanticipated disappointment. No answers available in my mind for the abovementioned questions but has been consistently asked by my soul. Although, most awkward and irritating questions to ponder upon in normal circumstances of life. However, the proximity of pain and sadness is unmatchable when our psych elicits such bloomy thuds. In my opinion, its effects are darker than the lonely midnights of sandy deserts or may be much ghastly than coercive pederasty of a child. Yaaa right, given comparison was not suited the context but still mentioned it in order to reveal my foolish mental status. Still, when such issues of life intermingle with multitudinous sphere of complexity; normal human mind ruminate upon such ludicrous themes. Believe me, one of the rare feelings one can ever have…that too…replete with exaggerated virtues of gloomy characteristics. What’s all this? I never intended to emanate my observation on such type of exceptional outburst of seldom emotions. Therefore, here is the exigency to detour this bewildering theme to some other enthralling facets of my life.

Huh! 2007 initiated with lots of surprises in store. It can be simplified with following question. How one can feel if his childhood dream comes true? On top of the world…overwhelmed reaction of many specimens. I’m different or may be situation made me likewise. When I saw all my childhood heroes directly in front of my eyes…ufffff…What to say? Sachin, Dravid, Ganguly, Dhoni and all playing vital innings of their life. All happiness in the world compelled me to shiver without any adequate expression. Everything there was perfect but didn’t appreciate solely by my heart. Temptation for ice-creams and pursuit for pleasure may never halt; so why should my expectations. By the way, satisfactory experience in Nagpur while watching first ODI of my life. Ohhhhhh! that electric atmosphere was quite new for me. It helped me to hide my tears, atleast for limited time-period. Reason for the same is ineffable. By the way, thank you Bunty Bhaiya…How much you’ll do for me? Thanks again.

For me, life is a journey not a destination. As this particular dream of mine got true but successfully erased its component when other inevitable happens…that too…again in ghastly, fiendish and gruesome manner. Just now, commenced organizing my efforts and skills with efficient outcomes but destiny desires are beyond me. They terminated the life-cycle of my grand-father, elapsed the prosperous hope for my family, eradicated happiness from our chore or may be expunged the roots of expectation. Its fate or something else. May be, exploiting my desires or making me strong to take many responsibilities. Answers are expediently needed:

Can anyone quit achieving the target for no reasons at all after coming very close to it?

Whether you are testing my patience level? Once you render happiness which is consistently followed by unmatchable sorrows and glum.

I started working hard for many hours but still such fates can’t be appreciated. I deserve much and don’t want to tolerate anything more.

Please, Please, Please…stop these events or put halt in my tik-tik.

Whole of my childhood collapsed in making dreams for my future endeavors but never hoped in such dimensions. You not only made the obstruction but closed the way.

Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz…take everything but return my brother. How I’ll measure the elongating journey without having him in any of my destination. I need concrete answers. Although, I praise you for arranging meeting with God and allowing me to spend time with my brother. But still, I don’t want God. Just return my brother back or take me to his present location. The pain becoming unbearable…Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz…help me in this regard.

Why shouldn’t I ask my brother back…tell me…the reason.

What wrong we did? Altruism was the basic virtue in our nature through out in our first innings. Never did anything wrong…neither for society nor for specific person than…

Why? Why? Why?

Sandeep is incomplete without Sudeep; believe me. You try to understand this point and answer the following:

Can ice be formed without imagining water?

Did Ramayana is complete without Hanuman Ji?

Whether laws can be made without intelligible rational? (Sorry, as a law student have to mention this)

Noooops…same way here toooo. Sudeep and Sandeep is the name can’t be taken in isolation. Please return back my brother in any possible manner. We’re very egoistic but still begging in front of you. Plz Plz Plz…do the needful.

Hey, all above is not a complete trash. As it really pains when one see the aimless eyes of his mother waiting for impossible to happen and deteriorating mental condition of his father seeking answers of many weirdest questions. Circumstances became more gruesome when tears are locked behind my eyes and condition being imposed by my heart on its generic flow. Why shouldn’t I cry? Why? The immediate answer is…I’m not a looser who needs artificial sympathy of society. Noops…the right answer is…I don’t wanna forget my tough times. Reason for the same is again my pompous belief, ‘ my tough time inspire me to pursue good ends by reigniting my working capabilities.’

The only thing I need is unconditional love…as always got from my Big B and very few others. Still that immortal love is felicitating but sometimes self-centered members of the community corrupt my sensitive and delicate feeling. I feel very lonely and continue to elongate the scope of my loneliness. At times, try to over-react in situations in order to console my heart that everything is normal. Immediately, after such fake attempt my soul answers- “Don’t become normal. As success in a true sense always emanate from thinking which is beyond normal.”

Above premise would be nebulous for many but reinvigorated my passion, determination and dedication towards my future visions. It helped me to convert my sorrow into virtue called inspiration.

Still, you design something harsh in my way.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

You can’t because Bhaiyaji (my brother) and Babuji (my grand-father) are managing our luck counter; my senses revealed such fact.

If you still try to exploit us. Beware! It would affect you in pernicious way.

Living in a castle of horror is not a big deal but converting it into a dream world is a myriad to be cherished. Again divulging the premise adhered by my soul to coherently conveys my intention. It was also mentioned in my first post and refreshment is expedient again at this stage of my life:

"Whatever You do In life...There is neither an issue of winning or loosing nor of life or death but the whole issue is...whether we are complying with our basic duties i.e. kartavya or not?...as the sole object of a warrior is to fight...fight hard...untill and unless he win".

Epitome of Humility...

Crumpling sounds of unnecessary thoughts are disturbing my senses just before four days of my end-term exams. Just before exams, slight nervous energy persuaded me to take enormous tension in my ever-surging mindset. Although somehow, I started reading and after reading some significant portion, I became desperate to take small breaks. These unneeded interruption consistently recurred as many times as possible due to my high spirited impulsiveness in such tricky situations. Many scandalizing thoughts creeped in my mind with its varying scurrilous effect. All prodigal feelings felt at a same time in order to devastate my concentration, as a result, I was so lonely and helpless. At such struggling time, enthusiasm demised, tension possessed and enjoyed its part, no one was there to support me but in this particular testing situation, destiny desired to evaluate my mental composure and strength. Definitely, this was not an effective time to bear such an outburst of gigantic nervous pressure. Therefore, I made various attempt in order to deviate my mind from these evil thoughts. Moreover, in these type of insipid moments, I start making honest promise with myself to do better next time. Although, a decade has been passed but that particular next time has never came. Hoping for the best, I always shifted my burden on future moments and enjoyed repercussions of persisting circumstances. As I believe in Kal Ho Na Ho but today any of my justifications to maintain my mental sensibility were stifling to foster my spirits. Hence, felt subservient under the pressure of such an adverse situation against me. What to do now in order to reach an appropriate resolution? Totally confused and became more timid by watching a huge syllabus in front of me. I made another attempt to convince my heart by reciprocating to myself about vivacity of my experience, as now, I feel myself as an experience guy who evades such predicaments in quite an organised manner. I mean to say that I became an experienced campaigner to handle such twitchy examination pressure. Erstwhile, my body shivered in such situations; and thereafter, shriveled due to exaggerated tension of examination fever in mind which consequentially deteriorated my physical condition also. Altogether, my honest efforts at such crucial moments seek for best possible available alternative to emanate a satisfactory output. But, intoto, a reality is that I cheat my capabilities and skills by eliciting various sterile justifications and futile reasons. Ha Ha Ha….so boring enumerations but I do believe in my inherent capabilities.

Having observed so, I took another break and went out of my kitchen bedroom. I was very tensed but the world around me was pretty same. As Kundan and Tyagi were hanging around in hostel premises, some hostel mates were busy in their mobile phones, many others were trying to sleep inside their mosquito net at common veranda. Where all were busy with their unorganized hostel events, I flawlessly glared towards highway and tried to evaluate my compatibility by giving honest answer to myself. After sometime, I found my answer in a painful form, such as, my expectations were very high but results were unsatisfactory. I knew that an aspiration without systematic hard work is merely a bewildering web. So, I became very sad after having meeting with a truthful harsh reality. It was more painful because such emotional feelings can never find a shoulder to share such precious observations and thereafter rely on…that too…in an examination time. I continued digging the lore and mystery of my ill-wills…that too…first time after my school life. After crossing various hurdles through my thinking bike, I unintentionally heard untidy sounds of passing trucks and suddenly locked my room and cursed myself for not utilizing proper opportunity at appropriate time. In my past cricket life, I heard that timing and placement are so important to score more and more runs, same principle applies in real life also, timing to grab an opportunity plays a vital role in building some hopeful future moments. In my language…it is Chance Pe Dance. Subsequently, expectations of my parents became apparent to my sober mind which ruined my confidence and made me cowardice to accept that my laziness had always derogated me from my own grant. I hereby acknowledge my very weak will power which persevered for a long time to confirm my unknown losses. These exacerbating reasons made me think that I am cheating with myself and wasting my parent’s money. At a particular instance, I felt very humiliating about the future results of my academic tasks. As a result, I sincerely apologized for all the mistakes committed by me from Hanumanji, thereafter; his omnipotent blessings recuperated my devastating mindset. At last; some worthy thoughts made me belief that “I received nothing I wanted… but I received everything I needed.”