2.27.2007

Castle of Horror...


Some questions my soul asked from destiny.

How one can feel if his dreams get destroyed before commencing its journey?

Has anyone seen the collapsing ceremony of his home before being built up?

What’s the remedy if person is punished for entailing the ambit of honesty in his soul?

Can someone feel without the heart? Why I shouldn’t stifle when you’ve taken the part of my heart?

You gave me lots of reason to cry but not a single shoulder to stabilize my senses. Why I only have to find a separate place to flow my tears?

Why you are stabbing in my wound again and again?

Why me? Why me?

So many questions…so many…some mentioned here and some remained unmentioned. Idiotic questions in my previous (first innings) perceptions; or may be result of unimagined and unanticipated disappointment. No answers available in my mind for the abovementioned questions but has been consistently asked by my soul. Although, most awkward and irritating questions to ponder upon in normal circumstances of life. However, the proximity of pain and sadness is unmatchable when our psych elicits such bloomy thuds. In my opinion, its effects are darker than the lonely midnights of sandy deserts or may be much ghastly than coercive pederasty of a child. Yaaa right, given comparison was not suited the context but still mentioned it in order to reveal my foolish mental status. Still, when such issues of life intermingle with multitudinous sphere of complexity; normal human mind ruminate upon such ludicrous themes. Believe me, one of the rare feelings one can ever have…that too…replete with exaggerated virtues of gloomy characteristics. What’s all this? I never intended to emanate my observation on such type of exceptional outburst of seldom emotions. Therefore, here is the exigency to detour this bewildering theme to some other enthralling facets of my life.

Huh! 2007 initiated with lots of surprises in store. It can be simplified with following question. How one can feel if his childhood dream comes true? On top of the world…overwhelmed reaction of many specimens. I’m different or may be situation made me likewise. When I saw all my childhood heroes directly in front of my eyes…ufffff…What to say? Sachin, Dravid, Ganguly, Dhoni and all playing vital innings of their life. All happiness in the world compelled me to shiver without any adequate expression. Everything there was perfect but didn’t appreciate solely by my heart. Temptation for ice-creams and pursuit for pleasure may never halt; so why should my expectations. By the way, satisfactory experience in Nagpur while watching first ODI of my life. Ohhhhhh! that electric atmosphere was quite new for me. It helped me to hide my tears, atleast for limited time-period. Reason for the same is ineffable. By the way, thank you Bunty Bhaiya…How much you’ll do for me? Thanks again.

For me, life is a journey not a destination. As this particular dream of mine got true but successfully erased its component when other inevitable happens…that too…again in ghastly, fiendish and gruesome manner. Just now, commenced organizing my efforts and skills with efficient outcomes but destiny desires are beyond me. They terminated the life-cycle of my grand-father, elapsed the prosperous hope for my family, eradicated happiness from our chore or may be expunged the roots of expectation. Its fate or something else. May be, exploiting my desires or making me strong to take many responsibilities. Answers are expediently needed:

Can anyone quit achieving the target for no reasons at all after coming very close to it?

Whether you are testing my patience level? Once you render happiness which is consistently followed by unmatchable sorrows and glum.

I started working hard for many hours but still such fates can’t be appreciated. I deserve much and don’t want to tolerate anything more.

Please, Please, Please…stop these events or put halt in my tik-tik.

Whole of my childhood collapsed in making dreams for my future endeavors but never hoped in such dimensions. You not only made the obstruction but closed the way.

Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz…take everything but return my brother. How I’ll measure the elongating journey without having him in any of my destination. I need concrete answers. Although, I praise you for arranging meeting with God and allowing me to spend time with my brother. But still, I don’t want God. Just return my brother back or take me to his present location. The pain becoming unbearable…Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz…help me in this regard.

Why shouldn’t I ask my brother back…tell me…the reason.

What wrong we did? Altruism was the basic virtue in our nature through out in our first innings. Never did anything wrong…neither for society nor for specific person than…

Why? Why? Why?

Sandeep is incomplete without Sudeep; believe me. You try to understand this point and answer the following:

Can ice be formed without imagining water?

Did Ramayana is complete without Hanuman Ji?

Whether laws can be made without intelligible rational? (Sorry, as a law student have to mention this)

Noooops…same way here toooo. Sudeep and Sandeep is the name can’t be taken in isolation. Please return back my brother in any possible manner. We’re very egoistic but still begging in front of you. Plz Plz Plz…do the needful.

Hey, all above is not a complete trash. As it really pains when one see the aimless eyes of his mother waiting for impossible to happen and deteriorating mental condition of his father seeking answers of many weirdest questions. Circumstances became more gruesome when tears are locked behind my eyes and condition being imposed by my heart on its generic flow. Why shouldn’t I cry? Why? The immediate answer is…I’m not a looser who needs artificial sympathy of society. Noops…the right answer is…I don’t wanna forget my tough times. Reason for the same is again my pompous belief, ‘ my tough time inspire me to pursue good ends by reigniting my working capabilities.’

The only thing I need is unconditional love…as always got from my Big B and very few others. Still that immortal love is felicitating but sometimes self-centered members of the community corrupt my sensitive and delicate feeling. I feel very lonely and continue to elongate the scope of my loneliness. At times, try to over-react in situations in order to console my heart that everything is normal. Immediately, after such fake attempt my soul answers- “Don’t become normal. As success in a true sense always emanate from thinking which is beyond normal.”

Above premise would be nebulous for many but reinvigorated my passion, determination and dedication towards my future visions. It helped me to convert my sorrow into virtue called inspiration.

Still, you design something harsh in my way.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

You can’t because Bhaiyaji (my brother) and Babuji (my grand-father) are managing our luck counter; my senses revealed such fact.

If you still try to exploit us. Beware! It would affect you in pernicious way.

Living in a castle of horror is not a big deal but converting it into a dream world is a myriad to be cherished. Again divulging the premise adhered by my soul to coherently conveys my intention. It was also mentioned in my first post and refreshment is expedient again at this stage of my life:

"Whatever You do In life...There is neither an issue of winning or loosing nor of life or death but the whole issue is...whether we are complying with our basic duties i.e. kartavya or not?...as the sole object of a warrior is to fight...fight hard...untill and unless he win".