Be with us always
Ambience of religious function was apparent in my vision; some known relatives were busy in extrapolating their silly conversations. Others got ready before hand with their latest wardrobes, using their brain in order to avoid conflicts relating to occupied bathrooms. Like passive pillow, I was lying down at the corner of one bed. Digging out my past and deeply ruminating about someone special. Suddenly one curtly known voice interrupted my thought process, this time it was my Mumma screaming at me. Sandeep get ready for Bhajans, she said. Somehow, I managed to cope with the exigent situation and availed my presence in the function at due time.
Hardly my presence would have made any difference for anyone in the function. But still for Mumma, it matters. First time in my life, I was looking forward for this religious evening. Stifling badly inside my heart, I tried to pretend that everything there was normal for me.
Must say, wound of the most ghastly event of my life was quite new at that stage. Somehow surmounted the unbearable pain incurred due to my brother’s demise. Death people used to call it but for me Bhaiya is always with us. Actually, just few months back, we together enjoyed our time by sharing some casual thought in the same bed and discussed what we’re going to wear for some similar sort of religious function. I started missing him badly just because twitchy thought of not seeing him again was bothering me. This time I again realized that life without him is clueless. As his presence always added extra brio in my personality, it gave me immense confidence and coherent security to present myself positively in any place.
All possible memories crept in at that short span of time. Whether it’s combing of hair or tucking of his shirt in hurry. Stylish walk or roguish glare with animosity, all his activities sizzled in my memory lane. Just everything, I was dying to see it again at that rumination period. Instantly hope enlivened in my heart that he’ll come now somehow and thereafter we’ll proceed together for this function. At such harsh times, dippy self-made instinctive dreams compel us to believe that some miracle is due to happen. We create our own self-made beliefs during such times and force God to make these wishes come true. Emotions surpass purity and become so amazing that our soul automatically soars with feeling of true love.
Keeping above exposition aside, must say that I reorganized my senses thereon to present myself strongly, although my mental status didn’t allowed me to do so. Now, surging and detouring my thinking in all possible dimensions, couldn’t prevent my tears to flow. With full determination I tried to restrain my tears but they found their own way smoothly. Stunned sense and tsunami of tears took me to the world of my own. Again and again I uttered same thing in my prayer to God that I want to meet my brother. Please! Allow me to be with him once. Madness in my pleading and sentimental sensation of my urge to meet my brother got very strong.Without even waiting for my breathing halts, with utmost dedication and warmth in my feelings, I found myself begging for my brother.
Could see many known faces in surrounding environment but at that time of sheer typical mooning, nothing diverted my mind to anywhere. Crying hard before destiny, with honest hope of our meeting, I pleaded continuously. Tears fled consistently, various faces gazing at me but insouciant about any other thought I was truly expecting that my God will allow us to meet today. My contention was if at all my faith is pure and prayers are honest than God you cannot cancel our meeting today.
All sat systematically to commence Bhajan, somehow someone helped me to accommodate in-between the arrangement. Unconsciously with support of wall, slowly I sat down amidst the caboodle of Lord Krishna’s follower. Vibrating with uneasiness, rubbing my back in wall, joining my fingers to make unwanted punch, I continued with my prayer. Don’t know why, even though I knew that it is impossible to happen, pleading for miraculous meeting continued. Stubborn coercive request initiated after some time where I left everything to almighty and started to take his name continuously till the occurrence of our meeting. Moreover, some questions provoked my heart in between to search for the answers of many unanswerable questions.
How can I put fire in the dead body of my brother?
Where is he?
Is there any life beyond life?
Why destiny designs death?
With flow of such bewildering questions; vehemently I restarted praising God, this time without any demand or expectation. I submitted my psyche therein and scudded to take the name of Krishna Bhagwan faster than my heart beats. For me, it was an extra-ordinary experience where no other thought can squeeze in-between to disturb my concentration towards divinity.
Closed wet eyes, anointing my teeth strongly to control fascination and folded fingers to assemble punch depicted that my soul convincingly focused on something vital. Central thrust of such vitality is beyond genuine human comprehension.
Slowly but surely, concentration accelerated with cushy conviction in order to form strong basis for my instinctive demand of meeting. Imbued with purity in feelings, I felicitated with my honest prayer. Unsure of time, sincerely I perpetuated my name repetition task of God without any halt in between.
Wow! Miracle happened. Unaware of my physical body, my soul reached its destination. All in that other world was resplendent. I was able to see everything which my feelings demanded. So, couldn’t restrain my salubrious smile when I met Bhaiya. He was wearing different primitive clothes and was looking more handsome than ever. We hardly used to talk with each other but this time I was unable to restrain my curiosity to ask him so many questions.
Believe me; my happiness soared when I digested his calm responses. Laughing and crying at the same time. He just folded me in his arms and cried lovingly. All there was royal and divine. His bed type instrument, white clothes, and flawless skin with sparkling eyes – all was looking just incredible. He made me sit beside him and I talked continuously. With lots of expression I kept asking him so many questions but he opened his mouth very carefully. His replies are to the point and imbued with lots of intelligible rational. Another incident after that again elevated my merriment.
I never expected this. Just it was beyond me. When Lord Krishna himself arrived there and appreciated the love in our brotherhood. He said – salute to those parents who gave birth to this pure love. Thereafter, he made us dance with him. For me, it was quite comedy to dance in very different kind of music. God has so much love in himself that he himself gave special priority to love than any other feelings. Ohh! How I can forget those delectable edibles. With little bit of shyness, I gulped some. Thanks God.
Again we spent some more time with each other. After sometime someone shaked my body and I lost my concentration. Feathers of peacock moved like pendulum intimating that Bye Bye time is near. Bhaiya at last consoled me by saying everything will be fine, just keep walking in the right path.
Fantastic meeting ended thereafter. Body became so light and pure that it is ineffable to convey what I felt at that point of time.
Must say, God also can’t ignore the pure feelings of human heart. He respect and appreciate it with utmost care. So, keep on increasing love in your hearts. Path of love is difficult and full of obstacles but that feeling of love only make you capable enough to cross that difficult route and make you reach at the unknown divine destination.
I just love the feeling of love. To prevent our self from bad intent of human brains, many a time, we restrict our feelings. No problem with that but one should be brave enough to keep that love and feelings alive where it needed to be.
For me now, life goes on and on with lots of human feelings. Variety of such feelings may surge and change its quantum with time and circumstances. But the most satisfactory feeling felt by human hearts of all time is love. As, it compels me to believe that –
“Love itself is a journey and also the destination of human life.”
